A Newman For Inspiration

Ever since Paul Newman died it had me really stop and think. I remember watching one of his most iconic films "Cool Hand Luke" in high school and thought to myself, I could be like that. Very few know this but I am the definitive anti-hero that just doesn't quite fit in. Truth be told for as long as I can remember I am and always will be the square peg in the round hole.

Odd as this may sound, I sincerely felt a connection with everything about that character and the movie itself. Whenever I felt things didn't go my way for days on end, I'd swear I could hear the soundtrack play in the background. Feeling the sweat drip from my brow, one bead at a time as it slid down onto the cheekbone, I heard the music.

Looking back I never thought this would be a movie that made me into the person that I am now. When I heard that Paul [Newman] died, he inspired an idea how to build enough capital for my dreams to be reality. Upon looking forward, I will always stop and think about the rebel inside me. Someone with a cause and to create change always for the better yet still be somewhat of a rebel is to be a something that people talk about.

Heritage And Me

This is the only time I am going to post about my Filipino heritage. For the record I didn't care much about being a Filipino until the Freight House club manager gave me a reason to embrace other cultures and heritages. I will forever be thankful for opening my eyes to embracing ideas such as this one. Now I want to open up to where I came from as a Filipino.

But the truth is that I don't feel comfortable around the larger majority of them because of how they act on a social level. Some of them of whom I've encountered have been known to be too annoying, obnoxious and even uptight about nearly any subject. It's bad enough the same majority brag as if it's a hobby.

The type of people I prefer are the laid back, humble themselves and enjoy the company of others. Sometimes my mind is a wondering forest, lost to what should be important in life. As for embracing the Filipino community and pop culture it's a different story. In my opinion I prefer getting involved with the community over pop culture.

Filipino television 'original' programing just seems like an empty generic shell. After watching a glimpse of the majority it feels derivative, meaningless and lacks anything remotely intelligent. This is nothing more than an insult of what Filipino television could be if they were to apply themselves. Instead there's tons of game shows to please the masses and like seals clapping for their meal they just want more of this farce of pop culture.

This is stuff on television sickens me to the point I'm outraged of how much the status quo has degraded themselves. Yes I am proud to be a Filipino. But when it comes to watching them sink to new low points in the world of pop culture, I draw the line. Vilify me if you must but let it be for the right reasons not from ignorant minds that are blinded by amassed popularity.

The Mate Of Destiny

Just for kicks I asked a Magic 8 Ball if I had a destined soul mate. The answer was simply,"Sorry: NO". Maybe the idea shouldn't have shocked me as much. Yet for the longest time ever since I learned about the origin of the comic book superhero "Hawkman", believing that anything in the name of love was possible.

Now all I have left is the one thought maybe a soul mate doesn't exist for us all. Perhaps the truth of the matter is that maybe if certain people are meant to forge our own destiny. This also means follow our hearts to whomever believed is meant to be the one and only. As for myself, I now believe serendipity will help me find true love.

Looking For Hughs

Hughes Hunt - Undefined Section

As a fan of every John Hughes movie that I've seen (so far), there's a part of me that wanted to know where in suburban Chicago or at least where in the state of Illinois it was shot. There was something about his movies that will always be timeless modren classics for the ages. Everything movie that he wrote, directed or for that matter produced as a film maker has proven to be for the most part something that most people could identify with in such a humorous tone.

He was a pioneer and inspirations to other filmmakers such as Judd Apatow and Wes Anderson. Although none of his works may never be part of the Criterion Collection such as some of the [Wes] Anderson's films but it does remind us why we should love the outcasts, misfits, losers and the always lovable underdog. In one way or another it's what makes us human and caring.

Return To The Soul Savers

Last night I returned to the one place and the people that saved me from forever having a misanthropic attitude. One of the best kept secrets that I kept from them is the fact I was once a tyrannical egoist. Now I the only thing I want to do is find a way to conquer my world around me with kindness. These four gregarious comrades with their loving attitude towards children awoken a persona that once was dormant for what seemed like a milliena, the angelic light within me.

A light within me long ago was diminished over time to nothing more than a mere spark. This was a special light, the same within the generational line of priests. I knew somehow I would be a voice acting in the name for God but it would never involve from the cloth or a collar. It would be done without using his name or a Bible yet the teachings acted to guide the lost souls of youth.

If I could I would trade in a lifetime of working alongside these people for the nine years I worked to be a name that earned a legendary though reputation with an ego larger than it should be. Four mere mortal souls humbled me back to the light with humanity restored in place and forever greatful of this act. Now a photo is all I have as a reminder of new purpose to be in the future.

My only fear is that Fate will never allow me to reunite with them as long I am employed where I am. Leadership was thrusted upon me for a reason and to surrender this role is to give up all that I've learned as one. Within myself I know I was born to lead others let it be either youth or a fellow co-worker. Though I shed not a tear.

Fate has always sent to me to where I need to be, never where I want to go. These same hands sent be have my soul redemed and being reminded definition of love for one another. Even though I may never once again step foot into the building for the longest time I know that love that I share within an infinite space my heart and soul.

The only thing that I have left for them are three mix CD's with a song that best describes their own persona after experincing time with them. Although the song title may sound like them, truth be told, either after listing to the song or had a song stuck in my head while thinking of them. One of my best kept secrets is that sometimes when I heard certain songs I pictured their face.

For the first time I met a leader that was like a supernatural, one was like brother to me, someone whom a jack-of-all trades strong with spirit and a young man that knew his place in life. These fantasic foursome of greatness are everyday heroes. Albiet they don't leap tall buildings in a single bound, spin webs any size or for that matter have any slayers of creatures that go bump in the night to speak,untied these people find ways to do great things and proving always time and time again.

There I stood among them with great admiration and remembering humility being infused onto the person that I am today. Time which I spent with them was a great honor. Nonetheless I know that by laws of chaos, Fate always finds a way for paths to cross as a kindred spirit. As time goes by, friends from another lifetime are still always in a way defined still as friends. It will always be the one thing which is always certain in the life of one.

a dream...

wear a black cat for luck. a Wednesday night coin lands on friendship. dark knight calls me and perhaps a friend wants to be a lover before the October fire. I wake. A dream? Or maybe a message not to do anything to win a heart...

One Notch

Today I found belts that fit me since my weight loss. One was hardly used and the other just the complete opposite. As I fitted on the new belt, there was a part of me that was saying it didn't feel 'right'. Yet the old belt wasn't worn out or abused just a perfect fit. Within in my heart and soul, this was an omen.

How? It went only to one notch. This is what I want in life, 'just the one notch on my belt'. One notch, one loving soul to embrace around my waist always knowing it feels good. Caress my loving heart and I will do the same.

Value Of Friendship

If there's one thing I will forever be thankful for it would be the friends that I've made over the years, albiet how small circle it may be. For the whole day I've been thinking about why I value them and what makes them special. Some of them have been my friends for as long as I can remember while others have just started.

Through most of my life I've had two best friends, a brother and two cousins that has helped mold me into the person that I am today. As the years have passed, I've encountered three new friends of the person that I want to be. They have inspiring me by just being themselves as part of their own profession.

Although it was only nearly a month since I've seen them last, someday their friendship will grow over time like a tree branching many good memories. The first one tickles ivories, introduced me to a brave new world, new ideas and why there's a piano in the house. Next one I met is fascinated in the digital world and remembered the years helping to heal a fragile mind that was once his own.

But the most valued friendships in my life are my two cousins that I've spent time with ever since they were born. These seven friendships will always have a magnificent place in my heart. If I were to die the next day I'd like them to know I will the one treasure I know I can take with me into the next life, their friendship. Most importantly I will be waiting to share it with them when the time comes.

Comic Book Plan

*Note: This is the only time I am going to reveal my plans for the future. For whomsoever is reading this should know that I rarely share ideas to anyone, only a select few of whom I completely trust or for that matter someone I'm willing to open up towards with open arms and without question, always in the name of friendship. Let it be stated for the record that I've personally hand picked certain people outside from the blogging community to read this blog because I value them in my life for changing my life always for the better.

If there's one dream I would want to pursue in life it would to make sure that today's youth read and as often as possible. Illiteracy and low reading comprehension is a disease and I want to be the cure. This problem lies mostly in inner city communities worldwide. For the most part either libraries are few in number or too far apart from the area.

Therefore I propose to earn my diploma in child and youth care program at Red River College. After observing and interacting with inner city youth for a while, I plan to build a non-profit comic book library in Winnipeg. In order to make this possible I'll find ways to have people invest into this venture while at the same time plan a fund raising auction dinner to help with the cash flow.

Portion of the money that I earn as profit will go also toward the CBLDF (Comic Book Legal Defence Fund), to help fight support free speech. There's so much I wish I could do to help heal this problem. But the only thing I can do for now is what I do best always looking for hope to make anything possible. For as long as I have my strong spirit of determination I know that maybe someday I will be able to achieve anything. Knowing I have family and friends to support me is enough motivation to make my dream a possible reality.

Lobster, Fate and maybe Desert?

In a few weeks from now, Sheryl Crow will be in Winnipeg as part of her concert tour and I won't be attending the show. The reason why is because I'll be working on a shift at the Winnipeg Convention Centre that I can't say 'no' to since only because it involves getting lobsters for cheap. As a fan of her music, I've always wanted to die a happy death knowing I've attended at least one of her concerts.

Each and every year that I've worked at this one shift I've always bought at least two lobsters for my family. This has been a tradition of mine and since this will be the last I get to this, I didn't even hesitate on this opportunity. Somewhere in an alternate universe I would be taking someone to join me for the upcoming concert.

Maybe next time I'll be attending a concert with someone special at my side and it will be a night to remember. At this one certain point in my life, I hope there will be day of when I will get another chance to be at a Sheryl Crow concert and know that every moment will be worth every penny. In the meantime I can only hope that maybe the Fates be kind enough for me to work on the other function involving desert. Silly as this may sound I'd prefer smelling like chocolates than lobsters any day of the week... :P

Loophole of Crime

As I grazed at the paper this morning, my heart began to fill itself with vengeance. Normally for the most part I read my horoscope and the comic strips. But every once in a while there will be a story that catches my attention. The reason for my rage is due to the fact a child pornographer got to walk a free man.

It had seemed that there wasn't enough circumstantial evidence to prosecute this criminal for the crime that he did. As I roared with furious anger unto the heavens I was enraged that justice was nothing more but a mere farce on humanity for all that could have been done. The angel within my soul forgives him for his sins but the vengeance demon that also resides howls for blood.

The words 'nearly nude' are meaningless and not enough to condemn a monster. He's smart enough to find some sort of loophole. In the end I just want to cry but the tears are blocked by the chained beast that can do nothing but growls, always hungry for retribution.

Reset Month

At this point in my life I've decided I'm going to starting this month with a whole new clean slate.

•The torch I've held for all of the girls in my prior to this month has been officially extinguished. For as I am concerned the past is the past. Larger majority of the women I could have dated but have been denied by Fate are either married, single moms and upon conclusion have met someone better. Honestly I'm happy for them and hope the best for whomever makes them happy in their life.

•As I grow older, more wiser and bit more mature everyday I'm starting to notice things with a more open mind. When I am ready to get back into the dating game it will be on my terms. If there's one thing that I am certain of it is the fact I'd prefer the girl asks me out on a date. This means two things about the girl I'm dating: the first is the fact her interest in me as a date are genuine and second is there's a sense of confidence of wanting to date. Welcome to the 21st Century, kids it's a whole new ballgame.

The best part about looking back and then looking forward is the fact you know what to expect, learned from past mistakes and knowledge that the unknown future is just an adventure waiting to happen. Life is good if you allow to be. Every time I self-reflect I am starting to like the person in the mirror.

Explaining Boyfriend Mode

Ever since I had that erotic dream I've decided to go into detail of what 'boyfriend mode' is for me:

I have a real good rep. When I come home, I find a way to be relaxed with pep. I'll dress very well, even in jeans. When in the bedroom, I'll touch you in the right spots, giving you goose pimples with every single touch. Every time you need me and I've always got your back. I can never disrespectful to you since my mother taught me that.

This is who I am and what I vow to promise now and forever.

If Only Just A Dream...

Last night I had an erotic dream that I thought would be worth blogging. It starts out passionately kissing this girl first on her lips and then my kisses slowly moving down to her neck. Even though I don't know the identity of her face my eyes begin on how she communicates with me with nothing more but glances. These glances were telling me that the love we share would soon going to be sharing the pleasure of lust for each other.

Blood was rushing into my heart making it beat faster with. Somewhere within the kisses tongues swayed back as I started caressing my hands up and down her body. First it slid down her spine as the chills turned into goosebumps. They eventually found their way onto her bottom still caressing it, slowly as if every moment needed to last for the entire night. From one finger to the next it slips between her thighs like a pianist tickles the ivories for a lullaby.


Purring becoming into a moan as one hand is feeling her hard nipples, while the other begins has her thighs glistening with honey. A strawberry covered with chocolate slips from inside of her as it glazes onto the honey to a bellybutton, gliding upwards into her mouth. My tongue bathes off the honey as she begs to be plunged in a euphoria of ecstasy.

Each rock hard thrust ward motion into her sugar walls has makes her moan louder and then she decides of wanting to ride. She rides a throbbing bulge inside of her and with kisses that were once passion now that of lust. While the lips touch, there's also the feeling of my hands stroking her breast, surrendering herself as fingertips acquaint themselves once again with those nipples swirling an arousal smile.

Within that smile her carnal mind start to focus on yearning to have a taste of manhood in her mouth. She started teasing the shaft as if a snake was tasting a lollipop for the first time. Her tongue swayed down onto quivering veins. Looking into my eyes with a lustful hunger while stroking it, the message was clear of she wanted.

Hot and warm flowing juices that entered her mouth awakened cravings to consume more as we became lovers. Next thing I know is that I'm awake with no one at my side the only thought in my mind was hope. There was hope of the thought perhaps maybe someday my dream will become a reality. Nonetheless this dream has now become a blueprint plan if I ever find someone to hold in my arms which would later lead to making love as if it were something to dream about.

Weekend Without A Blog

Over the weekend I decided of step into the *new* Hooters. To be honest it was the only Hooters in the city but it just moved into a different location. As a 'spur-of-the-moment' idea (and little did I know it would later be just plain dumb)to try the Buffalo Platter with the hottest possible hot sauce they had on the menu. Upon start, it seemed a bit tame only because shrimps and nearly any type of hot sauce is for lightweights that want to sample hot sauce for the first time.

Then it happened I began to "see through time" and begged for water. While all of this happening the only other thought aside from how foolish I was able to survive this 'meal' was seeing the reactions of anyone else trying this so I had it packed up. Also in the backwaters of my mind over the summer there was a part of me that didn't want to be a lone wolf.

I want to share these funny moments with someone either a friend or hopefully close to my heart. Wherever I spend quality time with someone just seems more fulfilling and more meaningful. The lone wolf inside my soul was dying and I want so badly to kill it, never again to be alone. My heart aches to be among good company.

While I was volunteering for the Boys And Girls Club, being involved in such a gregarious environment was such a wonder drug for my soul. The moments shared are some of my greatest blessed treasures in my heart. Constantly I yearn for a chance to return to one of favourite love affairs that I had over the summer.

Elsewhere in the virtual world of Azeroth known as the "World of Warcraft", my night elf druid Gulo had recently joined the guild 'Winnipeg Gryphon Cavalry' of which are composed of actual Winnipegers living in the area. Just the thought of meeting other players in person itself for myself is something special due to the fact you have chatted online with them over time, getting to know them and sharing a few laughs.

Next weekend there's already plans to get together and enjoy other people's company outside the virtual world. Rarely maybe once in lifetime most people would have such an opportunity to meet other people outside the MMORPG that they're playing, even close to home. There's a part of me that's very much eager to meet new people, make new friends and (perhaps if the Fates be kind)someone to be with.

All in all, I've had somewhat of an interesting weekend even though part of it involved work. The only thing that I'm certain of in my life is that it's so far, so good... Everyday I wake it has been quite an adventure waiting to happen.

Weight For A Goal

For the longest time as long I can recall I used to weight 170 lbs and then one day something hit me out of left field, gained an extra 10. It had seemed that being very close to a community canteen while volunteering was too much of a 'good thing' for those who craved for a chance something of a meal. A disciplined mind to stop didn't exisit.

At the time being, it seemed this was to be my own fate through karma being prisoner of this gained weight. Only time would allow me to choose a reasonable goal soon afterwards my own volunteering days, either accept this or change. Within the wake of the American presidential campaigns the word 'change' inspired my heart to make a change for the better, always for the better. My mind was made up and set on this one goal.

I was going to make a change in my life, each and every day. First was going to be weight loss. Through meditation I've decided to think 'being full' was not going to be an option. Somewhere in the void of my mind was this student that got a A+ in health of who used to be me. He woke up and had me shave and focused on being healthy.

This meant very little reason to snack on junk food, going outside and start riding my bike more often. Within less than a month I started consuming water and juice whenever I could. Eventually I woke one morning and emerged was this person that lost all the weight that he gained.

First thought was go to the closet and find my old jeans which have been collecting dust for the longest time. All of them fit me like a glove. My main goal was achieved through determination and I knew that I need to maintain this goal for the rest of my life.

Now it has been part of my daily routine whenever I have free time. Karma have been kind enough for me to start over as if I hit the restart button and start anew. Soon I will be shopping for new belts and pants for work. Life is good only if you make it possible to make it so and change it always for the better.

The Lust Stuff

For nearly an entire month I've tried very hard to stave off any type of pornography, something of which at first seemed next to impossible. The reason was simple, I was getting bored watching it. Yes, believe it or not, it's quite deeming possible for a guy to become simply bored of watching sex. Somehow I became living proof when it became evident that beautiful girls came on the bus and didn't take a second glance.

There was this constant thought as if I was in this 'boyfriend mode', even though I was a single guy. All of this was happening while I made several attempts to stop thinking of a certain someone that I knew was no longer unattainable, though somewhere in the winds I could hear her name echoing within a whisper.

For the longest time, I have decided to keep my mind occupied with other things like meditation. Reading the 'book for dummies' take on the subject, my universe around me just seem clear like a diamond crystal. On one hand, porn can be poison for the mind if someone yearns to be loved by someone but has yet to have the chance. Yet it can also find a way to enhance the sex in a relationship.

Now there is a part of me that would like to have a relationship where the love and lust are always in balance like yin and yang. A passionate lust which is formed by love is an eternal flame that cannot be extinguished sounds like a fairy tale that has yet to told. When both the heart and soul are shared as one, it's been told to be something magical.

Maybe someday I will wake-up with someone that desires to make my dream a reality. For now, I can only dream for hope. These days 'hope' so far has been an ill-funded investment but always with a somewhat of an optimistic future because it's all that I have left, in terms of motivation to do anything with great confidence. The reason I know this is because I feel it in my own heart, replacing where my soul once was a lifetime ago.