The Lust Stuff

For nearly an entire month I've tried very hard to stave off any type of pornography, something of which at first seemed next to impossible. The reason was simple, I was getting bored watching it. Yes, believe it or not, it's quite deeming possible for a guy to become simply bored of watching sex. Somehow I became living proof when it became evident that beautiful girls came on the bus and didn't take a second glance.

There was this constant thought as if I was in this 'boyfriend mode', even though I was a single guy. All of this was happening while I made several attempts to stop thinking of a certain someone that I knew was no longer unattainable, though somewhere in the winds I could hear her name echoing within a whisper.

For the longest time, I have decided to keep my mind occupied with other things like meditation. Reading the 'book for dummies' take on the subject, my universe around me just seem clear like a diamond crystal. On one hand, porn can be poison for the mind if someone yearns to be loved by someone but has yet to have the chance. Yet it can also find a way to enhance the sex in a relationship.

Now there is a part of me that would like to have a relationship where the love and lust are always in balance like yin and yang. A passionate lust which is formed by love is an eternal flame that cannot be extinguished sounds like a fairy tale that has yet to told. When both the heart and soul are shared as one, it's been told to be something magical.

Maybe someday I will wake-up with someone that desires to make my dream a reality. For now, I can only dream for hope. These days 'hope' so far has been an ill-funded investment but always with a somewhat of an optimistic future because it's all that I have left, in terms of motivation to do anything with great confidence. The reason I know this is because I feel it in my own heart, replacing where my soul once was a lifetime ago.