Wrong Bitch

I was reading a bit from the book "Why Men Marry Bitches". Right off the bat, as a guy, there's part of me that doesn't fully agree with the some of the advice. For instance, it was the fact the author polled a certain amount of men doesn't mean the majority around the world. Not all men prefer a good strong woman. Some of guys are classy and old fashioned looking for that type.

Honestly, I'd prefer the 'girl next door' but not a doormat. Guys like me will prefer 'Betty Cooper' over 'Veronica Lodge'... any day of the week. There's something about the girl next door that I've found attractive over the years but feared about the result if things were to ever go sour. Then again I was young and still 'feared' many things involving the opposite sex.

Out of all the things that attracted me (and still does) is the fact I grew up in a community which is very close knit with generations of people that were raised there. It's only common due to my upbringing in the community that I would feel this way.

The girl I'm looking for ultimately is someone that makes you fun to be with, laugh, family-oriented, enjoys the company of others, nice smile, good-natured and won't shy away from trying something new. I will go into 'boyfriend mode' for that type of girl. For those who read my older posts knows that's my best qualities yet to be desired by another.

My vow goes to whomever switches on 'boyfriend mode' is going to wear an engagement ring in less than six months, provided their goal is looking for a good husband. I'm getting old and I would like my graduate present to myself is to become a family man.

Then again a man can dream...

Post #51

I've thinking about what to write about after 50 posts: One of my best kept secrets and/or something that I haven't mention to anyone before, ever...

Once upon a time for as long as I can remember I met a girl on the bus. I remember the first time we met because it was the first time become aquainted with someone on the bus. She went up to me talking about the weather and we started talking on various subjects.

The next time I met her I thought it would best to learn her name. At first, I didn't know why. Honestly it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Since then 'Janelle' and I have been close friends.

For as long as I can remember when we've learned to get know each other. Eventually I was introduced to her mother as if I was her boyfriend, albeit the fact weren't a couple. How I met her was the same way became friends, completely random.

I was on the verge of being part of fairy tale. There was living proof that not everyone is aligned with the stars, part of social network of any kind, age means nothing but a number and what we had was 'magical', in terms of chemistry. Everything was perfect and the one person that should be my girlfriend, almost as meant to be.

But the main problem is the chances are totally random. One thing I've learned from all of is you can not beat random odds of anything. Yet as always I endure, always looking for hope in the name of love...

Fate sent me...

Once upon a dream I was told to step foot into where I used to volunteer over the summer and help them. The only thing I know for as long I can remember Fate sends me wherever and whenever I need to be. Crazy as they may sound, I feel happy enough to know that I have a certain purpose whatever it may be. My life (so far) has been quite interesting. Next on the to-do list... who knows.

Looking back (as always) whenever Fate has sent me to where I need to be there had been a few little rewards now and again. I am at the point in my life of where I accept this as my sole purpose whilst searching for a sense of direction. Among the very few things I learned in life is that Fate has a sense of humor and I'm still looking for the punchline...

That Girl

Fates have yet to be kind when it comes for me to find romance. Looking for possible love wasn't the problem it was getting the mixed signals. Believe me I don't know how anything in my life became complex. Normally it should be male interacts with female, if they like each other it leads to mating and the population of their species continues to flourish.

However we as a species find a way to be complex in nature. If there's one thing I've learned from over the years is having something in common for a relationship is not as much a big deal when it comes to meeting face-to-face. It just means you have something to talk about and you like something with this person.

At a certain point in my life I met a girl that I didn't have anything in common yet we had this chemistry. It was a mix of pheromones, talking, listening and understanding each other that made us 'click'. Basically that's all it takes to make a relationship work. Why it didn't work was because Fate wasn't kind, plain and simple.

If I were to look for someone that had something in common with me I already have doubts finding one. She would have the following qualities: funny, smart and quirky. The girl likes the following: comic books, anime and video games or at least will accept the fact I enjoy these things and won't change these likes for anyone.

Basically, I'm your average fanboy wanting to be family man. The line forms to the right... :P

Back To The Blog

Holy cow! I never realized of how long it's been since my last entry. For the longest time I've been mentally occupied during my days off. Recently, I've haven't found anything worth posting. These days I've surfing the web and discovering a lot of fun stuff.

The highlights in my life for the last ten days: Joining Stumble Upon, getting reacquainted with WoW and finding ways to abstain from Internet porn.

Last few days I have learned:

a) don't need porn to keep the brain stimulated, playing a certain video game is a better remedy...

b) going a great distance for one errand isn't worth it (e.g. a two hour bus ride for an ink jet refill)

c) holding in your pee for six hours is NOT an accomplishment, just stupid

Sometimes I wonder why I wake up in the first place...

Say What?!

The Angry Dream

Before I woke up I had a dream that put my entire life into perspective. In this dream I was angry, very angry about where I am in my life and why I am angry. Truth be told it involved me telling a media scrum following me asking why I am the way I am. And now I feel as if I need to post it online.

For the record, I am socially complex because I just want an intelligent conversation something of which is sorely lacking in my life. If I could I'd love to expand the mind on a daily basis. There's a part of me that just wants to wake up and talk about nearly anything yet being frank about it.

Also it seems that I'm the one and only ultimately who's been holding me back in terms of progress. Yet when I reflect in terms of looking back why I am at certain times in my life I'd like to think that Fate put me there. In other words, I met these people at part of the timeline for this purpose.

The reason of why this happened is for this to happen, so on and so forth. But now I have to move forward. For the longest time I've the 'safety net' for other people, even though they haven't noticed it. However there comes a time of when you need to remove it knowing everything will still be okay.

Relationship Advice That I Can Give

If there's one thing that I've learned from over the years is the best advice to give is always from what you learned from experience... Although I have yet to part of a relationship for the longest time, believe it or not there are some 'lessons' I've learned albeit it was the hard way.

This phrase is a 'relationship kryptonite': "I'm sorry, I'm busy." After hearing it the first few times it's understanding. Hearing after five or six times translates (even if it's re-worded in several ways) as frustration, eventually it may lead to having look for someone that will make time.

Some sage advisers may tell you make yourself busy with something else other than the relationship. In other words, turn the tables around on the one who's too busy for you by giving them a dose of their own medicine. Part of me sounds skeptical about the outcome. This is a problem if you want to start the relationship...

In some situations the person might be somewhat reluctant to be in a relationship and therefore makes themselves 'busy' as a excuse. My advice is be charming and tell them something about yourself interesting that's worth waiting for. 2:1 odds of a good chance he/she may their schedule cleared to make time for you.

The other advice for this problem is the one who actually does have very little time. When you do have the time in your relationship make him/her feel special in every possible way. Don't forget to repeat this process until you can make more time in the relationship. When dating try to make it at least five minutes to one hour of your time. Longer you spend time for one day, better the relationship.

I hope this advice will help for whoever needs it...

Behold The Meaning Of Christmas

30 Days To A Family Moment

Here's the scenario: My brother Sam lives in Toronto with his girlfriend Jill. Every six months he comes home to Winnipeg. Meanwhile my parents are preparing to leave for the Philippines on Christmas Day for a wedding. For the first time in my life I am going to be semi-alone for the Holidays.

The only thing I have to look forward to is Christmas Eve when I'll be enjoying a rare family moment. One of the few holidays that I treasure is Christmas because of the spirit of the season.

Withdrawl Day

Today I have successfully weened away from Internet porn for a whole day and it feels good. Believe it or not, I never thought it would be possible to get my mind off sex. Honestly I don't know why I've been constantly had sex on my mind for the longest time. Perhaps in this crazy world of mine is best to have a few mysteries left unsolved.

Only thing I've been doing lately is getting re-acquainted with Tetris. Among the many games I've played over the years, this has been one of my favorite addictions. Maybe there's something within the simplicity of a puzzle game that makes it so popular ever since it's debut. Looking toward the next dawn I'd like to think I've traded one addiction for another but in a good way :D

Next on the list: Facebook at least once a month... :P

Three Weeks To A Gorilla

It seems no matter what the hands of Fate once again sent where I needed to be. This week I've been meaning to pick up something at the library but there's just one snag. Downtown the city is doing some pipe work and therefore it will be closed until further notice. At first I thought it was being closed on Monday because of Remembrance Day following next day.

Yet the entire trip downtown wasn't a complete loss. I did find out about 75th anniversary of the movie "King Kong". Within three weeks from now Cinematheque will be remind me that it will always be beauty that kills the beast. As a film connoisseur I can't wait to be part of this one night event. This will be worth the admission, popcorn and good times.

That Odd Feeling

For a while now I've been having this precognitive feeling. I don't know how to explain it (sort of). Example: Leaving something plugged in for a long period of time, forget about it, then wander thinking if you did or didn't, figure out the outcome. Now think about how that feels when that happens to you.

You have a clear mind when you think about that one event. But what if it was an event that didn't happen just yet. Whenever I clear my mind I have this one event mentally gnawing at me and I can't stop thinking about it, even if I tried. One word:torture.

But I suppose I will endure this just like everything else in my life. Honestly I don't know how or why these strange things happen to me. Maybe God has a sense of humor or maybe this will serve a purpose. Whatever. I want to believe everything happens for a reason and yet I don't see it.

When it does happen and I do see it, the feeling is like a smack on the forehead. The only thing I know is that my life is going to be magical soon. All of my precog feelings aren't warnings but reminders something good will happen. This is something I've been waiting for and all I have to do is wait a little longer.

Why We Blog

After reading an 'article' in Nov 2008 issue of "Wired". The supposed reason to kill your blog is because of Twitter,the social network has begun amassing the online community and supposedly the more 'superior' way to have people hear your voice.

To those who choose to blog: Follow your passion as a writer. We write because as individuals we are a voice. One day we woke up and choose to express ourselves in this manner. Yes, Twitter if you must but don't kill your blog. My fellow blogger always remember why you choose to blog.

Why I blog isn't the same reason why you wanted to blog. For whatever reason-to rant, share, inspire, journal, mentor and so forth among a writing online community. Not all of us are professional writers. Yet as a blogger we always feel the need to constantly express ourselves fervently with a great passion within our own creative soul. Never stop writing because someone tells you to. Instead stop writing your blog when you know you need a conclusion. :D

down but not out

i wake only to surrender. emotionally drained. mentally beaten up. to salvage any dignity just seems like a lost cause. stripped away of every reason to lead. yet i look for hope because it's all i have left in my life.

Hope This.

Looking for hope in others sometimes is a futile attempt. Sadly this statement is only true for those who choose not to change for the better. I've met him in a co-worker that people shouldn't feel sorry toward for whatever reason. For the longest time I've foolishly defended and befriended him.

Then all I saw was someone who wants to get away with doing the easy tasks at work. I've stopped being the grand marshal of his pity parade a lifetime ago. Nine months from now a ex-coworker friend of mine will learn a very tough lesson the hard way. People can only do so much to help yet in the end they can only help themselves.

Among the many things I've learned after learning about the helper profession is that you can't allow yourself to fall into just one role. My own benchmark of experience taught me a lot of how I plan to be a good mentor toward others. When I leave to a better life the only thing I know is everything will for the best. Now when I look back, I look forward to a better tomorrow.

Like Tetris

For a very long time I didn't know where to belong. Looking at the future that I want, I realised I've spent nine years in a dead end job that goes no where. Yet I knew my place leading others at work never for myself as an individual. Little did I know the hands of Fate would send a better path.

Everything in life is like the game 'Tetris' with it's twists and turns. Somehow everything fits a certain way, problems become eventually solved. But along the way some of us can get stuck with attempting to make everything fit only because we don't see the solution.

After you crash and burn, we get a chance to start all over again. Only difference between the two is that real life has an ending.

Cork the WoW Genie

Today I've found out that I can ween away from Facebook and to a certain extent WoW for a long period of time. But to ween away from porn seems harder than it looks. One of the things I've learned is that WoW has filled in the blanks for the lack of social life, helped control my rage and most importantly abstain from constantly thinking about sex.

Essentially 'World of Warcraft' was the answer how to deal with all of my social problems in the real world. Now I need certain outlets for everything that WoW conveniently provided in the past. SHOOT ME NOW! The hard part at this time is stop constantly thinking about sex more than I know have been in the past.

The good news is that I've matured a bit from this experience. However while I was playing WoW, there was self-control over everything that I did. Sometimes I wonder of how I mentally survived this long prior to being part of the MMORPG community. Only thing I know is that I endured with everything that I did because I am a survivor.

How To Lead

What I've learned about being a leader is that sometimes you can't always be seen as the hero. Lord knows I tried that approach including being the villain, mentor and even the diplomat. Quite honestly truth is a good leader has to be all these roles.

A hero is a role model, someone you look up to. Yet there are people that want to take advantage of good natured hearts. The villain knows how calculate, stay focused and even be a few steps ahead but tends to underestimate their opponent. Mentor figures have benchmark experience giving advice to others. For the diplomat needs to be a friend to everyone.

Somewhere in the mix you also need to have build a reputation that garners up respect from your peers. For me it was having some of them knowing I was creating 'fear' if crossed the wrong way. Everything that I learned from experience is that not everything is going to be black and white, being an alpha dog isn't always necessary and you can't allow people walk all over you when trying diplomacy among your peers.

But in the end of everything that I've learned from being a leader including making sure not underestimate someone who will always question your judgement, make them into an example of why you should lead. Set aside the lack of experience for a moment, always show confidence. This is how I l learned to become a leader.

My experiences of how to lead was nothing more but trail and error. In the end, the best advice is learn from your own mistakes while drawing strength from believing in yourself. As a leader the only thing you can trust is yourself with everything you do. When in doubt, listen to your heart and everything will somehow eventually fall into place. Remember it was Fate that chose the ones meant to create order from chaos, these are the ones meant to lead.

The Stupid War

If there was one wish it would be to have intelligent conversations with people for as long as live. Nearly every so often I am being seamlessly bombarded with petty arguments with my mother and stupid questions from co-workers. On the bright side, I'm learning to ignore comments from ignorant minds.

Sometimes I just want be left alone. However the career description of a child and youth worker involves solving petty disagreements, being open minded towards any scenario and most importantly constant interaction with other people. Being a misanthrope is the opposite solution. Yet it seems my only solution seems to be having less interaction with people during my days off.

Maybe the Fates have a sense of humor.

The Whatever Weekend

HOLY BOREDOM BATMAN! It seems like forever since I've been to a comic convention. When I stepped inside I thought it would be somewhat familiar ground. Geez... was I ever wrong. One step inside it was overwhelming to see many people in just one place.

A sea of people were everywhere moving about like a waves crashing onto every possible direction. Upon first thought was hopes to see people in costume. One of the best kept secrets of Winnipeg is that fanboys and fangirls galore are large in number and converge in droves.

For one whole weekend the convention centre has an army of nerds, geeks and cosplayers in one area. But I got there it seemed the plethora of costumers were little in number. However I was very much glad to see someone dressed as Mrs. Dr. The Monarch. If I didn't know better I'd swear there was a part of me that wanted to know her.

But the Fates had tired me out quickly from being surrounded by so many tables selling various merchandise. Also, it was more than obvious what's happening to me, I've started to 'outgrow' the collecting aspect and once again became the avid reader. Yet, there was one thing I still yearn for.

If I should have my first sincere relationship, I would like to be in one that involves someone coming along with me to a comic convention at least once. Understanding this from my perspective, it would mean her willingness to commit toward a part of my identity. When it comes to her turn, I accept the role vice versa when the time comes. This is what I learned today as I saw couple holding hands, family members spending quality time with each other and their children and so forth.

These moments remind me of when I once an Ally guild leader on another server while playing WoW. At one time a few real life married couples joined my guild, chatting online about their family life. For a brief while I was once part of what seemed to becoming a family guild. As I ponder about these things, a part of me wants to be a part of that kind of a couple.

Next dawn comes and I think about many things like what to do next. Earlier my thoughts have turned toward fencing. Several years have passed much too long since the Fates (or in this case my mother) denied me a chance to partake in this sport. Maybe at one point I might have been an Olympic medallist. Past few months I have matured long enough hopefully into possibly a world contender.

For now I am becoming master of my own Fate, the one I create for myself.

First Day of Nothing

Yesterday I just got the news that my course at Red River Community College got cancelled at the last minute. Although I'm disappointed about what has transpired I also have to stop and think about what to do next. Originally my plan was to be devoid of any possible social distractions so that I may become focused more on my education.

However if the Fates have their way I'll be attending school in January. My only concern at this time if I begin dating, there's a good chance of a relationship eventually being strained thus leading to failing grades. Then again I don't want to surrender a good opportunity to be happy. All in all, the only thing I know is to live in the now and enjoy the moment, que sera sera.

the rain of a lost hero

it rains. hear the echo of a hero yet reluctant. to save a princess his attention whore. leave her with the villain. alone he returns to be king with a loving queen.

next door. use magic transform the distant whore into true love. wife, mother and lover begins to lust for more love.

last door. princess learns to be the queen. hero leaves. she returns to him. now a whore for his love.

hear the rain again. little angels are crying of misery.

New Slate

Every so often I am finding myself starting a new slate while letting go of everything. Is this my Fate? All I have left is holding on what I need in my life. Going 'cold turkey' away from both Facebook and WoW for eleven weeks isn't going to be easy but I feel this is what I need to do. The only thing I am certain of is that I've done cold turkey from one or the other for the longest time during the summer.

Maybe this will be something of a cake walk or maybe not. Did I mention that I'll also try to completely give up pornography for keeps? Yep. Out of all the uncertainties in my life the one thing I want and need is a good and clear mind without any distractions.

Goodbye Gulo

Today is the first day I give up 'World Of Warcraft' cold turkey not by choice. Starting next week as I become a student once again there's a part of me that feels reluctant to make all of these sacrafices. If there's one think about is the long term investment as a student.

On this day I give up my social life for a better education and a career path. The one thing I am certain is that all of this is for the better. For a very long time the only way people are going to contact me will be either via postal or telephone. Honestly, the last thing I want is to have all of those months of learning to be a sociable person and creating those new friendships seem like a waste of time.

I value those moments and their friendship with a great deal of love. Along the way I hope to create more new friends among the new online guild that I joined last month. Somewhere in my heart the only thing I know is the friends I have in my life are going to support me in spirit while I surrender the social life that I want. For as long as I have friends I will never be alone.

One Long Wait

My little world became interesting because Fate somehow found a way. Recently I've once again crossed paths with with my 'bus buddy'.
She always finds a way to be a reminder this is the girl that should be my girlfriend. Yet I stop and think of I want to have as the special person in my life.

I want to be with someone that's flirtatious, humorous, warm heart, smiling and gregarious. For the longest time it seems like forever since I've met someone like her. Even though my breaking heart was mended by a friend and ready to move on there's something I know have to do. As much as I would like to have a relationship with someone because my education will be top priority.

One Last Villian

Last night after watching an episode of "Futurama" it had me realize that I need to let go of the past. But it's much too hard for me to handle alone. Instead the best thing I can do is tell a story that doesn't have a happy ending.

Once upon a time six years ago was the beginning of a golden age in my life or as 'golden' as it was when the WCC (Winnipeg Convention Centre) had employees that also worked the Delta Hotel 'next door'. In a way I met the ultimate girl-next-door that was sculpted of spanish perfection in every way possible.

Never in my life did I there would be a girl that would be interested in me or for that matter felt so close to my heart. As co-workers she would always make the first move, show interest and grew closer to the point we would share a table whenever we ate. But I didn't know what to make of this.

Fast forward past towhen i had the courage to ask her out I remember her ears perked up with her smile. But Fate stepped in and it was much too late. She made herself busy with everything else in her life. When I found out that she was going to Spain for a year that was when everything changed.

Lord knows I've tried the long distance relationship bit. But someone that was also somewhat interested in me found a way into duping me to destroy all that I worked hard for. The only thing I have left to remind me of her as a friend is the movie we made together with another co-worker.

Whenever I walk into 'Sargent Sundae', an ice cream parlour on Portage Avenue and Overdale Street, I'm always reminded the last time I thought everything might be okay between a few good friends. It's the one and only fond memory I have left which I want to remember. Maybe someday I'll find the strength to move past all of this.

Six years later this wounded heart has yet to find someone to heal it. Looking back, I'm trying my best to make sure history doesn't repeat itself. All in all, she was my favorite mistake. Today I make this vow:

"Whomsoever opens their heart to me, I shall do the same."

A Newman For Inspiration

Ever since Paul Newman died it had me really stop and think. I remember watching one of his most iconic films "Cool Hand Luke" in high school and thought to myself, I could be like that. Very few know this but I am the definitive anti-hero that just doesn't quite fit in. Truth be told for as long as I can remember I am and always will be the square peg in the round hole.

Odd as this may sound, I sincerely felt a connection with everything about that character and the movie itself. Whenever I felt things didn't go my way for days on end, I'd swear I could hear the soundtrack play in the background. Feeling the sweat drip from my brow, one bead at a time as it slid down onto the cheekbone, I heard the music.

Looking back I never thought this would be a movie that made me into the person that I am now. When I heard that Paul [Newman] died, he inspired an idea how to build enough capital for my dreams to be reality. Upon looking forward, I will always stop and think about the rebel inside me. Someone with a cause and to create change always for the better yet still be somewhat of a rebel is to be a something that people talk about.

Heritage And Me

This is the only time I am going to post about my Filipino heritage. For the record I didn't care much about being a Filipino until the Freight House club manager gave me a reason to embrace other cultures and heritages. I will forever be thankful for opening my eyes to embracing ideas such as this one. Now I want to open up to where I came from as a Filipino.

But the truth is that I don't feel comfortable around the larger majority of them because of how they act on a social level. Some of them of whom I've encountered have been known to be too annoying, obnoxious and even uptight about nearly any subject. It's bad enough the same majority brag as if it's a hobby.

The type of people I prefer are the laid back, humble themselves and enjoy the company of others. Sometimes my mind is a wondering forest, lost to what should be important in life. As for embracing the Filipino community and pop culture it's a different story. In my opinion I prefer getting involved with the community over pop culture.

Filipino television 'original' programing just seems like an empty generic shell. After watching a glimpse of the majority it feels derivative, meaningless and lacks anything remotely intelligent. This is nothing more than an insult of what Filipino television could be if they were to apply themselves. Instead there's tons of game shows to please the masses and like seals clapping for their meal they just want more of this farce of pop culture.

This is stuff on television sickens me to the point I'm outraged of how much the status quo has degraded themselves. Yes I am proud to be a Filipino. But when it comes to watching them sink to new low points in the world of pop culture, I draw the line. Vilify me if you must but let it be for the right reasons not from ignorant minds that are blinded by amassed popularity.

The Mate Of Destiny

Just for kicks I asked a Magic 8 Ball if I had a destined soul mate. The answer was simply,"Sorry: NO". Maybe the idea shouldn't have shocked me as much. Yet for the longest time ever since I learned about the origin of the comic book superhero "Hawkman", believing that anything in the name of love was possible.

Now all I have left is the one thought maybe a soul mate doesn't exist for us all. Perhaps the truth of the matter is that maybe if certain people are meant to forge our own destiny. This also means follow our hearts to whomever believed is meant to be the one and only. As for myself, I now believe serendipity will help me find true love.

Looking For Hughs

Hughes Hunt - Undefined Section

As a fan of every John Hughes movie that I've seen (so far), there's a part of me that wanted to know where in suburban Chicago or at least where in the state of Illinois it was shot. There was something about his movies that will always be timeless modren classics for the ages. Everything movie that he wrote, directed or for that matter produced as a film maker has proven to be for the most part something that most people could identify with in such a humorous tone.

He was a pioneer and inspirations to other filmmakers such as Judd Apatow and Wes Anderson. Although none of his works may never be part of the Criterion Collection such as some of the [Wes] Anderson's films but it does remind us why we should love the outcasts, misfits, losers and the always lovable underdog. In one way or another it's what makes us human and caring.

Return To The Soul Savers

Last night I returned to the one place and the people that saved me from forever having a misanthropic attitude. One of the best kept secrets that I kept from them is the fact I was once a tyrannical egoist. Now I the only thing I want to do is find a way to conquer my world around me with kindness. These four gregarious comrades with their loving attitude towards children awoken a persona that once was dormant for what seemed like a milliena, the angelic light within me.

A light within me long ago was diminished over time to nothing more than a mere spark. This was a special light, the same within the generational line of priests. I knew somehow I would be a voice acting in the name for God but it would never involve from the cloth or a collar. It would be done without using his name or a Bible yet the teachings acted to guide the lost souls of youth.

If I could I would trade in a lifetime of working alongside these people for the nine years I worked to be a name that earned a legendary though reputation with an ego larger than it should be. Four mere mortal souls humbled me back to the light with humanity restored in place and forever greatful of this act. Now a photo is all I have as a reminder of new purpose to be in the future.

My only fear is that Fate will never allow me to reunite with them as long I am employed where I am. Leadership was thrusted upon me for a reason and to surrender this role is to give up all that I've learned as one. Within myself I know I was born to lead others let it be either youth or a fellow co-worker. Though I shed not a tear.

Fate has always sent to me to where I need to be, never where I want to go. These same hands sent be have my soul redemed and being reminded definition of love for one another. Even though I may never once again step foot into the building for the longest time I know that love that I share within an infinite space my heart and soul.

The only thing that I have left for them are three mix CD's with a song that best describes their own persona after experincing time with them. Although the song title may sound like them, truth be told, either after listing to the song or had a song stuck in my head while thinking of them. One of my best kept secrets is that sometimes when I heard certain songs I pictured their face.

For the first time I met a leader that was like a supernatural, one was like brother to me, someone whom a jack-of-all trades strong with spirit and a young man that knew his place in life. These fantasic foursome of greatness are everyday heroes. Albiet they don't leap tall buildings in a single bound, spin webs any size or for that matter have any slayers of creatures that go bump in the night to speak,untied these people find ways to do great things and proving always time and time again.

There I stood among them with great admiration and remembering humility being infused onto the person that I am today. Time which I spent with them was a great honor. Nonetheless I know that by laws of chaos, Fate always finds a way for paths to cross as a kindred spirit. As time goes by, friends from another lifetime are still always in a way defined still as friends. It will always be the one thing which is always certain in the life of one.

a dream...

wear a black cat for luck. a Wednesday night coin lands on friendship. dark knight calls me and perhaps a friend wants to be a lover before the October fire. I wake. A dream? Or maybe a message not to do anything to win a heart...

One Notch

Today I found belts that fit me since my weight loss. One was hardly used and the other just the complete opposite. As I fitted on the new belt, there was a part of me that was saying it didn't feel 'right'. Yet the old belt wasn't worn out or abused just a perfect fit. Within in my heart and soul, this was an omen.

How? It went only to one notch. This is what I want in life, 'just the one notch on my belt'. One notch, one loving soul to embrace around my waist always knowing it feels good. Caress my loving heart and I will do the same.

Value Of Friendship

If there's one thing I will forever be thankful for it would be the friends that I've made over the years, albiet how small circle it may be. For the whole day I've been thinking about why I value them and what makes them special. Some of them have been my friends for as long as I can remember while others have just started.

Through most of my life I've had two best friends, a brother and two cousins that has helped mold me into the person that I am today. As the years have passed, I've encountered three new friends of the person that I want to be. They have inspiring me by just being themselves as part of their own profession.

Although it was only nearly a month since I've seen them last, someday their friendship will grow over time like a tree branching many good memories. The first one tickles ivories, introduced me to a brave new world, new ideas and why there's a piano in the house. Next one I met is fascinated in the digital world and remembered the years helping to heal a fragile mind that was once his own.

But the most valued friendships in my life are my two cousins that I've spent time with ever since they were born. These seven friendships will always have a magnificent place in my heart. If I were to die the next day I'd like them to know I will the one treasure I know I can take with me into the next life, their friendship. Most importantly I will be waiting to share it with them when the time comes.

Comic Book Plan

*Note: This is the only time I am going to reveal my plans for the future. For whomsoever is reading this should know that I rarely share ideas to anyone, only a select few of whom I completely trust or for that matter someone I'm willing to open up towards with open arms and without question, always in the name of friendship. Let it be stated for the record that I've personally hand picked certain people outside from the blogging community to read this blog because I value them in my life for changing my life always for the better.

If there's one dream I would want to pursue in life it would to make sure that today's youth read and as often as possible. Illiteracy and low reading comprehension is a disease and I want to be the cure. This problem lies mostly in inner city communities worldwide. For the most part either libraries are few in number or too far apart from the area.

Therefore I propose to earn my diploma in child and youth care program at Red River College. After observing and interacting with inner city youth for a while, I plan to build a non-profit comic book library in Winnipeg. In order to make this possible I'll find ways to have people invest into this venture while at the same time plan a fund raising auction dinner to help with the cash flow.

Portion of the money that I earn as profit will go also toward the CBLDF (Comic Book Legal Defence Fund), to help fight support free speech. There's so much I wish I could do to help heal this problem. But the only thing I can do for now is what I do best always looking for hope to make anything possible. For as long as I have my strong spirit of determination I know that maybe someday I will be able to achieve anything. Knowing I have family and friends to support me is enough motivation to make my dream a possible reality.

Lobster, Fate and maybe Desert?

In a few weeks from now, Sheryl Crow will be in Winnipeg as part of her concert tour and I won't be attending the show. The reason why is because I'll be working on a shift at the Winnipeg Convention Centre that I can't say 'no' to since only because it involves getting lobsters for cheap. As a fan of her music, I've always wanted to die a happy death knowing I've attended at least one of her concerts.

Each and every year that I've worked at this one shift I've always bought at least two lobsters for my family. This has been a tradition of mine and since this will be the last I get to this, I didn't even hesitate on this opportunity. Somewhere in an alternate universe I would be taking someone to join me for the upcoming concert.

Maybe next time I'll be attending a concert with someone special at my side and it will be a night to remember. At this one certain point in my life, I hope there will be day of when I will get another chance to be at a Sheryl Crow concert and know that every moment will be worth every penny. In the meantime I can only hope that maybe the Fates be kind enough for me to work on the other function involving desert. Silly as this may sound I'd prefer smelling like chocolates than lobsters any day of the week... :P

Loophole of Crime

As I grazed at the paper this morning, my heart began to fill itself with vengeance. Normally for the most part I read my horoscope and the comic strips. But every once in a while there will be a story that catches my attention. The reason for my rage is due to the fact a child pornographer got to walk a free man.

It had seemed that there wasn't enough circumstantial evidence to prosecute this criminal for the crime that he did. As I roared with furious anger unto the heavens I was enraged that justice was nothing more but a mere farce on humanity for all that could have been done. The angel within my soul forgives him for his sins but the vengeance demon that also resides howls for blood.

The words 'nearly nude' are meaningless and not enough to condemn a monster. He's smart enough to find some sort of loophole. In the end I just want to cry but the tears are blocked by the chained beast that can do nothing but growls, always hungry for retribution.

Reset Month

At this point in my life I've decided I'm going to starting this month with a whole new clean slate.

•The torch I've held for all of the girls in my prior to this month has been officially extinguished. For as I am concerned the past is the past. Larger majority of the women I could have dated but have been denied by Fate are either married, single moms and upon conclusion have met someone better. Honestly I'm happy for them and hope the best for whomever makes them happy in their life.

•As I grow older, more wiser and bit more mature everyday I'm starting to notice things with a more open mind. When I am ready to get back into the dating game it will be on my terms. If there's one thing that I am certain of it is the fact I'd prefer the girl asks me out on a date. This means two things about the girl I'm dating: the first is the fact her interest in me as a date are genuine and second is there's a sense of confidence of wanting to date. Welcome to the 21st Century, kids it's a whole new ballgame.

The best part about looking back and then looking forward is the fact you know what to expect, learned from past mistakes and knowledge that the unknown future is just an adventure waiting to happen. Life is good if you allow to be. Every time I self-reflect I am starting to like the person in the mirror.

Explaining Boyfriend Mode

Ever since I had that erotic dream I've decided to go into detail of what 'boyfriend mode' is for me:

I have a real good rep. When I come home, I find a way to be relaxed with pep. I'll dress very well, even in jeans. When in the bedroom, I'll touch you in the right spots, giving you goose pimples with every single touch. Every time you need me and I've always got your back. I can never disrespectful to you since my mother taught me that.

This is who I am and what I vow to promise now and forever.

If Only Just A Dream...

Last night I had an erotic dream that I thought would be worth blogging. It starts out passionately kissing this girl first on her lips and then my kisses slowly moving down to her neck. Even though I don't know the identity of her face my eyes begin on how she communicates with me with nothing more but glances. These glances were telling me that the love we share would soon going to be sharing the pleasure of lust for each other.

Blood was rushing into my heart making it beat faster with. Somewhere within the kisses tongues swayed back as I started caressing my hands up and down her body. First it slid down her spine as the chills turned into goosebumps. They eventually found their way onto her bottom still caressing it, slowly as if every moment needed to last for the entire night. From one finger to the next it slips between her thighs like a pianist tickles the ivories for a lullaby.


Purring becoming into a moan as one hand is feeling her hard nipples, while the other begins has her thighs glistening with honey. A strawberry covered with chocolate slips from inside of her as it glazes onto the honey to a bellybutton, gliding upwards into her mouth. My tongue bathes off the honey as she begs to be plunged in a euphoria of ecstasy.

Each rock hard thrust ward motion into her sugar walls has makes her moan louder and then she decides of wanting to ride. She rides a throbbing bulge inside of her and with kisses that were once passion now that of lust. While the lips touch, there's also the feeling of my hands stroking her breast, surrendering herself as fingertips acquaint themselves once again with those nipples swirling an arousal smile.

Within that smile her carnal mind start to focus on yearning to have a taste of manhood in her mouth. She started teasing the shaft as if a snake was tasting a lollipop for the first time. Her tongue swayed down onto quivering veins. Looking into my eyes with a lustful hunger while stroking it, the message was clear of she wanted.

Hot and warm flowing juices that entered her mouth awakened cravings to consume more as we became lovers. Next thing I know is that I'm awake with no one at my side the only thought in my mind was hope. There was hope of the thought perhaps maybe someday my dream will become a reality. Nonetheless this dream has now become a blueprint plan if I ever find someone to hold in my arms which would later lead to making love as if it were something to dream about.

Weekend Without A Blog

Over the weekend I decided of step into the *new* Hooters. To be honest it was the only Hooters in the city but it just moved into a different location. As a 'spur-of-the-moment' idea (and little did I know it would later be just plain dumb)to try the Buffalo Platter with the hottest possible hot sauce they had on the menu. Upon start, it seemed a bit tame only because shrimps and nearly any type of hot sauce is for lightweights that want to sample hot sauce for the first time.

Then it happened I began to "see through time" and begged for water. While all of this happening the only other thought aside from how foolish I was able to survive this 'meal' was seeing the reactions of anyone else trying this so I had it packed up. Also in the backwaters of my mind over the summer there was a part of me that didn't want to be a lone wolf.

I want to share these funny moments with someone either a friend or hopefully close to my heart. Wherever I spend quality time with someone just seems more fulfilling and more meaningful. The lone wolf inside my soul was dying and I want so badly to kill it, never again to be alone. My heart aches to be among good company.

While I was volunteering for the Boys And Girls Club, being involved in such a gregarious environment was such a wonder drug for my soul. The moments shared are some of my greatest blessed treasures in my heart. Constantly I yearn for a chance to return to one of favourite love affairs that I had over the summer.

Elsewhere in the virtual world of Azeroth known as the "World of Warcraft", my night elf druid Gulo had recently joined the guild 'Winnipeg Gryphon Cavalry' of which are composed of actual Winnipegers living in the area. Just the thought of meeting other players in person itself for myself is something special due to the fact you have chatted online with them over time, getting to know them and sharing a few laughs.

Next weekend there's already plans to get together and enjoy other people's company outside the virtual world. Rarely maybe once in lifetime most people would have such an opportunity to meet other people outside the MMORPG that they're playing, even close to home. There's a part of me that's very much eager to meet new people, make new friends and (perhaps if the Fates be kind)someone to be with.

All in all, I've had somewhat of an interesting weekend even though part of it involved work. The only thing that I'm certain of in my life is that it's so far, so good... Everyday I wake it has been quite an adventure waiting to happen.

Weight For A Goal

For the longest time as long I can recall I used to weight 170 lbs and then one day something hit me out of left field, gained an extra 10. It had seemed that being very close to a community canteen while volunteering was too much of a 'good thing' for those who craved for a chance something of a meal. A disciplined mind to stop didn't exisit.

At the time being, it seemed this was to be my own fate through karma being prisoner of this gained weight. Only time would allow me to choose a reasonable goal soon afterwards my own volunteering days, either accept this or change. Within the wake of the American presidential campaigns the word 'change' inspired my heart to make a change for the better, always for the better. My mind was made up and set on this one goal.

I was going to make a change in my life, each and every day. First was going to be weight loss. Through meditation I've decided to think 'being full' was not going to be an option. Somewhere in the void of my mind was this student that got a A+ in health of who used to be me. He woke up and had me shave and focused on being healthy.

This meant very little reason to snack on junk food, going outside and start riding my bike more often. Within less than a month I started consuming water and juice whenever I could. Eventually I woke one morning and emerged was this person that lost all the weight that he gained.

First thought was go to the closet and find my old jeans which have been collecting dust for the longest time. All of them fit me like a glove. My main goal was achieved through determination and I knew that I need to maintain this goal for the rest of my life.

Now it has been part of my daily routine whenever I have free time. Karma have been kind enough for me to start over as if I hit the restart button and start anew. Soon I will be shopping for new belts and pants for work. Life is good only if you make it possible to make it so and change it always for the better.

The Lust Stuff

For nearly an entire month I've tried very hard to stave off any type of pornography, something of which at first seemed next to impossible. The reason was simple, I was getting bored watching it. Yes, believe it or not, it's quite deeming possible for a guy to become simply bored of watching sex. Somehow I became living proof when it became evident that beautiful girls came on the bus and didn't take a second glance.

There was this constant thought as if I was in this 'boyfriend mode', even though I was a single guy. All of this was happening while I made several attempts to stop thinking of a certain someone that I knew was no longer unattainable, though somewhere in the winds I could hear her name echoing within a whisper.

For the longest time, I have decided to keep my mind occupied with other things like meditation. Reading the 'book for dummies' take on the subject, my universe around me just seem clear like a diamond crystal. On one hand, porn can be poison for the mind if someone yearns to be loved by someone but has yet to have the chance. Yet it can also find a way to enhance the sex in a relationship.

Now there is a part of me that would like to have a relationship where the love and lust are always in balance like yin and yang. A passionate lust which is formed by love is an eternal flame that cannot be extinguished sounds like a fairy tale that has yet to told. When both the heart and soul are shared as one, it's been told to be something magical.

Maybe someday I will wake-up with someone that desires to make my dream a reality. For now, I can only dream for hope. These days 'hope' so far has been an ill-funded investment but always with a somewhat of an optimistic future because it's all that I have left, in terms of motivation to do anything with great confidence. The reason I know this is because I feel it in my own heart, replacing where my soul once was a lifetime ago.

Best Export Ever

As a Canadian I would like to think one of the greatest export is the comic strip "For Better Or Worse" by Lynn Johnston. For the last 29 years she has made the Pattersons not icons but a family that reflect Canadian life. Throughout the years there have been countless stories involving several topics which is rare in most syndicated comic strips.

There's only a select few strips that have creators allow their characters to grow old, mature and even die. For as long as I can remember I've been following the strip since the birth of April Patterson and long after the death of Farley, the family dog. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that the death of a pet in a comic strip tug at my heart strings like a harp being played for the first time.

Nearly every day I've been a witness to a marriage, divorce, a little girl becoming a teenager and so on and so forth. There's something 'magical' about emerging into this daily strip and being part of their life as if you have known them for as long you can remember. Quite honestly, there's a part of me that's happy to know that the strip won't be retired anytime soon.

Both of my favourite comic strips "Calvin And Hobbes" and the always strange "The Far Side" have retired a whole lifetime ago. I remember the first time when my best friend got me reading "Calvin and Hobbes" and had me thinking of how warped six year old can be. Maybe in real life 'Calvin' would be the type of child to have a child psychiatrist to either seek therapy, sent to the mental hospital or even maybe both.

Nonetheless as I grow older the only one certain thing I know is the fact I'll find comedy whether it be on television, movies or even an event in my life. But when it comes to my daily rituals I can always find some sort of comfort in four panels of ink. It will always be the true thing in my life that makes everything else seem simple and pure.

Tempting From The Fates

Over the years I've met some of the most interesting people in my life. Among them was this one girl that I met on the bus. By mere coincidence through intertwining Fates we have crossed paths more than once and oddly enough still good friends. The reason why it's 'odd' is because there's some amazing chemistry between the two of us where we could have been a couple a long time ago yet the Fates won't allow for this to happen.

No matter what there's always something to talk about and we have been genuinely interested about the conversation on hand. Among one of the qualities that I've always enjoyed about her is that she's been like the girl-next-door because it has always felt that way. Note:Most girls that live in the St. James-Assiniboia area are like that because the residents give this "small town feeling" you get after living there for less than a week. Basically with her goofy sense of humour, which has always found a way to make me smile, she's like the perfect girlfriend that I'd want at my side.

*Although the thought is tempting for her to be in my life, there's a part of me that enjoys how things are in my life with her in my own special way.

The other temptation that fell into my lap was the chance to work part time as an activity worker for the 'Victor Mager' club. But the honest truth was the fact it would be such a long commute from 'Point A' to 'Point B'. Unfortunately I would have the chance to attempt to launch my idea for a comic book readers club. Instead I sent an e-mail to the club manager at 'Freight House' club, since it was the one I was volunteering during most of the summer season.

The idea had come to me in a dream long ago but I didn't know to create one. Somewhere in my mind, I fear that this idea of mine might never become a reality anytime soon. Yet at the same time I'd love to see reading to be encouraged. My one dream is to one day constantly promote reading for today's youth through comic books on a large scale.

Although my idea might not be launched any time soon I'm always looking for hope whenever there isn't hope. Without a doubt in my own mind,I've been always determined to never give up that maybe someday my dream will become a reality. There doesn't go a day of when I think to myself any dream can come true if you believe that it can.

The Tooth Blog

This is first blog I've ever written at a clinic and doubtfully far from being the last time of ever doing so. For the longest time my mother has been trying to come to Mount Carmel Clinic since I no longer have dental coverage. For the first time in my life I'm doing a lot of 'grown-up' things of which I knew I'd eventually be doing on my own. Odd as this may sound, I've come to accept the fact it's time to become a 'grown-up' and being responsible for my own life.

Instead of going into much detail, I can assure anyone that I am an independent being capable of living on my own though I'm am in fact a slow bloomer in terms of wanting to 'grow-up'. Never in my life did I ever think I'd evolve into a fully mature being that's part of society in several aspects of my own life within just one mere summer.

But at the same time I cannot go in the opposite direction of my own advice: "There are two different people in this world, those who are thirty something and those who choose to be thirty something". Simple English translation: you either are your age or you act your own age. This one of the thoughts that have been on my mind that hit me like a ton of bricks and it was one of the worst wake up calls I've ever had in my own life. As of now I've decided to accept there are just some things I cannot walk away from and just bite the bullet.

-However this doesn't mean I won't stop being a fun person to be with; I'm now just being a mature and fun guy enjoying the ride on the highway of life.

A Tale Of Two Weddings

This summer I've been invited to two weddings that were different as night is to day. The first one involved a mass, a six course meal and me trying red wine for the first time. There were people that I knew (which is expected). But when I wanted to mingle I felt the infamous cold shoulder by the people I thought were going to open up and chat.

Irony had reared it's ugly head and a reminder that I'm not popular with many people even though we hardly see each other maybe once in a blue moon. Yet this is life.

Fast forward to the more recent one... this one was also with family friends. But this one was much different by contrast. There was a ceremony which lasted a mere half hour and quickly moved onto mingling with others over some appetizers.

It wasn't a total loss knowing I met a kindred spirit though the talk was brief. Then came the three course meal and this time I tried a bit of white wine. For the first time I wasn't seated with my parents and it felt just right. I don't know why but it did.

Maybe it was the fact it was a small and simple wedding. But it was the fact I had fun on the dance floor, widely entertained by a very humorous wedding singer and the fact I caught a wedding garter. Looking back, the best memories came from the second one just because people made it fun.

There was a welcoming feeling of amazing fun that lasted throughout the night which included chocolate fondue fountain. High spirits filled my soul as I danced the night away with a purpose to feel gregarious at the party. Just reminiscing about being part of a conga line was reminder the finest things in life don't need to be complex.

Eat, drink and be merry. I'd like to think IF and when I get married it would be a sheer joy for have such a simple reception. It should be a reflection of the life up ahead with the one you are going to spend the rest of your life - live it up as often as possible...