What A Decade

For those who are following this blog should know a little bit about me. Ever since high school I (sort of) knew what I wanted to be. The only thing I knew was being part of something creative was important to me. I am a writer first and everything else is second.

I want to believe that I will doing something creative in my little world. It has been 13 years since I went to college and thought I knew I wanted to do with my life. Fate has an interesting sense of humor. Now I am once again at crossroads between what I am capable of and how far I am willing to sincerely push myself to become.

Yes, it is true that college life is not for everyone and yet I want to prove that I am worthy of attending. Ever since I got a comprehension level everything around me started making a lot more sense. I evolved first physically then mentally and until recently emotionally. This is how a human being should evolve and for the most part I hope we as a species will evolve.

In the last ten years I am learning how to be acceptable in society. Such life skills like thinking before acting out have been somewhat absent growing up, it's my own nature to act on impulse. Diving into the pool and don't think of comes next - either make a big splash or just a ripple, not both.

Next few months will challenge me and I want to strongly believe that I am going to be the best that I can be for myself. This means seriously pushing myself and seeing of what I can do. The last ten years I've been nothing more but a mere dog working to earn a paycheck. I was born a Saturday's child and I most likely die as one.

For those who aren't familiar with that term it means I work hard for my money and always will be. The only thing I know is that the upcoming upheaval of what I once was will not be easy. But in the end I will found out of who I really am as a person and that's what matters to me.

The 1 AM Post

It's 1 AM and I cannot sleep. Among the many things I know this is my 'sanctuary' where I can rant, rave and whatever. Yet at the same time there's a part of me that wonders if any of my 'Facebook' friends are reading this out of curiosity. Although I have my sincere doubts of this scenario to happen anytime soon, I would like it perhaps a classmate would comment on what I have written in the past or for that matter on this blog entry.

Anyone reading this should know I need to get my sorry butt out of debt soon, hence the reason why I am up at this Godforsaken hour. Help! I'm drowning in a sea of red numbers! College life is tough and I am doing my best to survive. If there's ONE thing I am learning right now is the fact I should blog and write more entries.

Please for the love of God it's bad enough I am sincerely trying to make an effort to attend church. Maybe this is a subliminal action on my part and I don't even know it (yet). Oh yeah before I forget I SHOULD be sleeping... :P

Yeah I Know...

I know I haven't made a blog entry in such a long time and that's a bad thing. However there are two schools of thought I've decided that I'm going to blog when there's a lot of things on my mind which I prefer to post. Honestly, blogging for me now is about writing about what seems important to me in the now.

At the time of this reading I have doing a lot of self-reflecting about myself. The one thing that I have learned about myself is the fact I'm doing okay (sort of) as a student. Next week I will know of where I should be as a student and accept the outcome.

Actually It's Writer's Block (yeah that's the ticket...)

Okay. There used be a time when I blogged as often as I blinked. Honestly these days I don't have much to blog and/or Twitter since my last blog post. Sometimes I seriously wonder why I started blogging in the first place. It was so I could be some sort of voice that would reach out to the masses.

If anyone reads my older posts knows that I haven't been very much outspoken on several topics. For one whole year I've been a blogger, even though not much of one to begin with. But what really is a blog?

Truth? More I Twitter, more I've revealed more about myself in little pieces - something rarely done in my life. A blog is an online personal diary. Some people become popular via this medium. But take away the visual glitz including the graphic banner and it reads as an online column.

A true blogger unlike myself has kept it like a balancing act. Merge my other blog with this blog and my tweets you'll get to know the REAL me. Yes, I'm a quite individual. But at the same time I'm also learning that I prefer enjoying a private life.

Recently I've found my way away from the mmorpg 'World Of Warcraft' and the DS. At the time of this posting my DS is just an alarm clock. Eventually I plan to buy back all of the games I traded for store credit at EB Games, one month at a time.

Part of me can't believe that I used to be whore for store credit. As I grow older I see myself becoming more and more of the casual gamer that needs games to amuse myself for a while because there's nothing good on TV or maybe too poor to watch movies. Video games for me nowadays is just another leisure activity, just like reading.

Here I am as a Level 80 night elf druid that doesn't have swift flight mode as of yet (maybe should) but doesn't care anymore. My main goal for the summer was to hit Level 80 before classes started should I get accepted as a student. Done with two and a half weeks to spare.

So now what? I'm getting my sorry ass out of debt, plan a picnic for next week and then who knows what. The only thing I REALLY know is that I always rebuild and try to invent myself the best way I know how.

Just Another Wednesday

Here I am at 8 PM on a Wednesday night and I'm not Twittering (just yet), playing WoW or even reading. The last twelve hours have been exhausting. First of all, I have yet to get a good nights rest and that's a bad thing when you need to wake up early enough to attend a funeral in the morning. Sleep in the afternoon only because I didn't get enough sleep. Woke up around 5 PM only to find I was home alone.

For the first time in a VERY long time I actually watched an entire newscast. It has come apparent the rest of the newscast and sports news seems unimportant to my aunt needs to watch 'Entertainment Tonight' on a daily basis. A syndicated entertainment newsmagazine that spotlights mostly on stars like Donny and Marie Osmond on every other week is important. Understanding this from my perspective, I've stopped caring about what Hollywood celebrities do these days off stage - gossip and all.

Somewhere in the world there's people doing important things that don't have a celebrity status and never will as far as the rest of the world is concerned. These are the real people that matter. Does my opinion matter to anyone I know? Not really and I'm okay with that.

The one true thing I know is that I am a man with simple likes and dislikes. Keeping things simple as much as possible is what matters to me the most. It may have taken me a whole hour to write this because of my ADHD but I tell this right now, this is one of most honest blogs ever written and I know it touches the human spirit if the human spirit didn't like people. The best things in life aren't complex - it's simple and that how people in world likes things because it works best that way.

30 Days to Level 80

I know I should be keeping my blog up to date as often most fellow bloggers. But I'm not like that. These days I'm more or less been leveling up my soon-to-be Level 76 druid on 'WoW'. Why?

Until I know for sure how long my last class will be I figure finding work is a second priority. No, I don't like the idea jumping into the fray head first without knowing what coming around on the other side. I've stopped charging into things headstrong. Nowadays things are planned out, strategized and using logic as my weapon.

Once I know when my last class ends is when I'll start hitting the pavement, not prior. For now I figure the smart thing to so is hit the level cap on 'WoW' then don't worry about what comes next. The upside? Once I hit Level 80 - I'm free to do much anything in terms of accomplishments.

Although it may not be the best goal set for me, it's a goal nonetheless. Thank-you for reading.

13 Days Later... from last entry

As God as my only witness, I know I should be blogging more often. But the truth is that I rarely have anything worth writing about. For the longest time I've been waiting patiently (and yet keep in mind that it's not ironic finite patience doesn't last that long) for this acceptance letter. Taking my mind off things hasn't been easy. Let's see what I've been up to lately?

World of Warcraft has taken up a large portion of my time. Then again most Massive Multi Online Role Playing Games will find a way to waste a lot of time. As of this week I've been taking a break from the game. My only goal was to see how far I can level up in five weeks without stepping foot into the one minor part of the game that tends to slow down which is Dalaran - this massive city where nearly every other player goes to. The reason why is because my character on my Mac Mini tends to walk a little bit slower due to the fact that I need more memory.

Solution? Install it on my mom's laptop PC while worry about being secure among other things. The correct solution? Let's just say my Christmas wish list is going to be an electronic one. As for now, I promise that I will post more often because things are going to be more interesting in the next few weeks.

In the meantime fellow followers of this blog - I say Stay Frosty and be cool.

My Day (The Morning)

Bzzt... electrolytes in the brain tell the body it's time to awaken from my slumber of erotic fantasy. The fantasy are blurred images but the message has been the same for a while now, brooding in my mind like angst from an adolescent child. I can feel the cold shiver on my skin from the air conditioning. This sensation is much too cold and harsh yet the reasoning why I choose not to open the windows last night was because of the echoing sounds from the suburban streets.

A dog is foolishly barking the background yearning for attention, whereas my stomach growls due to a bodily function. Shortly after I can hear my own heartbeat sync with the running water from the bathroom sink as I begin to wash my face. Soap suds tingle on my pores and it feels good amongst my rough and dry skin.

From the vent I can hear the rustling summer wind hinting of what to expect for today. Part of me wants to ignore the salivating or at least the fact of much weight I've gained within the little amount of time. My only thought for the morning is today is going to be a good day for anything.

I Know My Game Theme Songs

Classic Video Game Theme Song Quiz Score: 90% (9 out of 10)

Things I Want To Do At Age 35

I suppose this is a good time as any to set some goals for myself - somewhere down the line I knew I should have. After watching the movie "The Bucket List", it reminded me that life is short -- perhaps too short. However instead of creating a list of things to do before I die I decided to write one as an early birthday gift for me. We all have just one life, might as well live it to it's fullest.

First on the list is something I've been meaning to do for a while - attend Comic Con next July. This means booking a hotel, flight and membership online. Staying with the traveling part of the list - maybe a Spring Break road trip to Metropolis, Illinois, try a pizza from Chicago and see the Mary Tyler Moore statue in Minneapolis. The only thing I know is that trips cost money but it will be worth the adventure.

Moving around the list a bit - since I like playing 'World of Warcraft', I figure have an Alliance themed birthday would be fitting with blue and gold streamers. My imagination is limitless in this area. Sometimes I scare myself of how creative I can be.

Not all of my things on my list are fun, some of them are serious in nature. Although the list itself isn't long per se, it does has me think about the future whilst trying to see the whole picture of things to come. Somewhere on my list I would like to be in a relationship, have a part-time job and make new friends.

Choice Of A Generation

Once upon a time media has labeled me and my generation many things. The first was 'Generation X' - a generation of slackers, misfits and lord knows what else. Basically we as a generation won't and/or can't amount to anything but low income earning people living off society. Yet somewhere in the midst we find a way to be part of the working class, success stories and even famous in a certain way for being a somebody - an original.

The few that succeed are inherited custodians of the generation before us - cleaning up the messes and mistakes of those who labeled us in the first place. At a certain point of our lives some of us value career over starting a family. Meanings of the traditional roles are being redefined by the opposite gender. We are the generation who put a crack in the infamous 'glass ceiling' for our sisters.

Yet at times we prefer to act half our age but with careers. For those who with e-fame and certain celeb status, I ask what defines us and separates us from everyone else. A select of the smart ones prefer being under the Twitter radar and other 'trends' from cyberspace. Not all of us choose to be attention whores or sell outs towards a certain product.

As a voice we are expressive pioneers of those who want to listen and think, rebels of conformity to make a difference. Idealist architects of tomorrow change is our birthright, just like the generation before us. Upon the many things of which I'm solely passionate about, it would be the generation that I am part of. Not all of us are born to inspire but I hope that this blog has helped do that to those who need it.

Shrinking Smallville

The show 'Smallville' is one of the few shows that gives a reason to tune into the CW network. But there's a few minor flaws that make it perfect. No, I'm not saying the show needs a few tweeks here and there. However I would like to state for the record producers of the show have stretched out a LOT of the Superman mythology way too long.

Yes, I enjoy watching the show as much as the next fanboy/fangirl but after nine seasons and the big tenth season comming in this fall - at a certain point I'd like to think I've had my fill. Somewhere in my ego had thoughts of how I would have the show into a certain direction. First season of the show didn't explore that much but more or less just the introduction of his powers.
Shortly after the series dragged out storylines which were part soap opera and part teen drama. Looking back at a few of the earlier episodes from previous seasons there are few times it was silly, not worth watching and too cheesy for television.

Eventually came the story arcs within certain episodes that not fully explored but it's foreshadowing towards the season finale. Character building is good for a television series but how it's built over time is another thing. On a technical note, 'yes' I like the new direction and 'no' I don't like why it took so long to create this build. All in all, I hope the upcoming season will tie up some loose ends and we'll get to see the series finale soon enough.

Twitter and Me

For those who follow me on Twitter and to those who I follow back should know a few things about me. Right off the bat, I like to blog, post things online and etc. Only difference is that I do it in moderation. Also from time to time I like to be funny, inspirational and most importantly being myself.

But the word here is 'moderation'. How I see Twitter is different than how others look at a micro blog site. Everyone has their own thing, gimmick or ongoing theme going themselves. Individuality is how we as people define ourselves. At the same time it's our own personal soap box that people can choose to follow their voice or not - it's up to the reader.

My reasons for following certain people on Twitter are simple - I like what you tweet because you're interesting enough to follow. Since my return to Twitter, I've followed and stopped following people for a variety of reasons including the fact they're just promoting themselves in their profession and not something in their daily life.

Out of all the celebrities that are on Twitter I only follow G4 television personality Morgan Webb and actress Felicia Day. Why? To sum it up for Morgan Webb - she doesn't promote herself but other people and as for Felicia Day, I think her bio what reeled me in. Sometimes if a bio is interesting I'll follow just because of that.

In last five months of returning to Twitter a little older a bit more wiser - I've learned that it's not who you follows you but the people that reply to you that matter. A while ago it occurs to me that somehow we're all connected to someone in some small yet insignificant way. Upon conclusion I guess I'll continue being myself and enjoy life.

Mental Nightmare

Once upon a time (not long ago) for a while now times have been a bit lean for me an an employee at the Winnipeg Convention Center. A few months ago I requested that I can only work once a week in order to compensate for time for me to study. Long story, short version is that I'm looking for work to fill in the time.

Idiot me I apply as a dishwasher - forgetting the last time I was one I didn't last long and lord knows I was WAY over my head. The one thing I've learned over the years is that repressing memories isn't a good thing when you need to remember something important like avoiding to apply for a certain job. One thing that I have learned as a dishwasher is the 'where' you should be if you want to be one.

After my first and only shift as a dishwasher I twittered, showered and went to bed. Next thing I know is I'm having nightmarish voices in my dreams telling me to quit and BAM enter the nervous breakdown. Being a God fearing man, I did just that and I'm still jilted about it. Only difference is that I'm going to hopefully sleep soundly.

Growing older means only one thing to me - don't ask how and why certain things happen to me, just accept it happens. Technically speaking, I'm still employed - just not as a dishwasher for a certain restaurant. As far I'm concerned I've hit the 'Roger Murtaugh' point in my life in terms of working in the hospitality industry. Somewhere in your life when you start saying that one infamous catchphrase - the little neurons inside the brain are telling you to find something you like doing.

Odd as this may sound but I like doing what I do as a living - whenever that may be. However I also know that I should pursue something productive to make myself happy. For now I going to learn how to survive this mental breakdown one day at a time and hope for better chances at life.

Current TV Shows I Like And Why

•'Chuck' that somehow sticks out like a sore thumb but what reels me is the fact part of it reflects on my personal life in terms of a possible relationship from my past.

• 'Heroes' reminds me that I'll always be a fanboy and I adore the comic book type storyline.

• 'How I Met Your Mother' - Ever since the pilot I'm still curious of the identity of the mother and how it's building up to just that I'll still watch. Basically, it's a show that going to remind us, it's the little things no matter how minor are very much important in life no matter how long the story is in real life.

• 'Big Bang Theory' Simply put, this is 'Friends' for geeks like me.

• 'Smallville' - Love it because of the interesting take of Superman mythology.

Death For Sale

If anyone were to ask me why I'm NOT a professional writer it would because the last time I wrote I went to a very dark place in my head to write my first short story. To this day I still have the professionally written manuscript which is approximately 20, 000 words (or more). At this time I'd to share an excerpt.

Hello, my name is Gerald Morton and I sell death. For as long as I can remember or as long as I'd prefer wanting to personally recall since I've been a wee lad, I've been very much fascinated with what's involved with death itself. One of the reasons is because of my father, Albert who decided to go into this type of business. Ever since he nearly died while fighting in the Vietnam War, he thought this was a wise investment.

While I was growing up he told me that death isn't a bad thing but a very necessary need in life, albeit how ironic this may sound to to most people. Yet for some odd reason I believed him only because of the way he sold the idea to me. In this world consumers buy things for either a 'want' or 'need'. Selling to the consumer in type of business we also have the obligation to give them this choice.

Is death a 'need' or 'want'? The funny thing is that it can't be considered "both" to most people, just like any other product that's sold to the average consumer. Believe it or not, death is both a common need and a want, which is why it's such an easy product to sell. As a salesman I don't see it in either category but as a preference as if I were selling a car.

The only difference between 'death' and a 'car' is that it's a one-time commitment sale for one person for the rest their own life. A privileged commitment is an honor unto itself. The job that we do without question should be considered just that, a privileged commitment to the consumer. Most of the time death is sold at a reasonable price with a variety of different offers.

Looking at it in a small way, selling death can also be like selling real estate. However the main difference is that a piece of land is being sold with an honest face without any worries from the economy market whatsoever. These prices have been sold as a fixed price for long most people in the business can remember. Also no matter which way most people look at death, it's quite literally an investment of a lifetime.

The Death Post

If there's one thing that everyone knows it's the fact that eventually we all have to age, grow old and then die. However there are few things I'd like to get off my chest only because I think it's important. For the most part when I die, I want to be known that I died without any regrets in life. Everything and anything that happened to me in my life happened for a reason including how I respond to my conflicts of whatever they may have been in the past.

Life is short and thus the only known truth humanity ever care about. Eventually people let go of the little things that may have seemed like a big deal at the time. I pity those who never gave themselves a chance to appreciate of what I did in the name of kindness from the bottom of my own heart and soul yet I forgive them for doing so. The things I've done out of kindness, I did out of love for those who touched my heart and/or soul in a certain way.

I love and cherish each every person that I've met in my own lifetime either online or in person. Each person that I know always will have a special place in my heart and soul. When I pour out my soul onto this blog I have always written from the heart or at least these are my intentions. Truth be told I have a sincere passion of whatever I write in any type of medium.

Although I grew up Catholic, I don't believe in every little minor thing that the church believes in. To sum it up I believe in faith and what it means according to what's defined in the dictionary. I place my faith in God and the fact there's only one God to believe in. Even though I choose not to attend church every Sunday when I'm angry with the good Lord but I know I should be.

Upon conclusion, the past is the past. People should look forward after looking back. My future is what I make of it. The greatest treasure is what you make it to be in life. Amen.

The Quick Blog

At the time I was writing this blog I should have been in church as per my weekly routine. However I've decided to change my pace a bit. For a long time I haven't been spontaneous in while and it seems I should do it more often. Truth of the matter is I'm trying my hardest to stay focused without the aid of stimulants like Ritalin.

For the longest time I've been relying on that drug. Since I've been off it there has been a certain change. One of the reasons why I went off is because I didn't want to know if I was addicted or if it was truly a need. Sometimes you just have to step back and ask yourself who you really are on the inside. Nowadays I'm trying to adjust to life one day at a time including to focus on what's important in life.

This may be one of the toughest struggles in life. But as usual I try to live it one day at a time. Underneath it all we are very much human beings. How I survive is a miracle.

Editing My Life

I just finished deleting certain blog posts so I can prove to myself that I can let go of the past. This wasn't an easy task for me to write about this. Also I'm trying very hard to make sure that I don't repeat myself in any of my previous blog posts. Only thing I know is the only thing I have left to offer from my past is friendship with hope it will last a lifetime.

Go Back One Space

There's one question that I tend to question from time to time. Would I go back to someone who broke my heart? Not really. I'd forgive and hope to still be friends.

My long answer version would be me letting to patch things up and move on. Funny thing about relationships is that most of them don't have a reset switch. People reconcile with each other and move on. Going back and to accept someone back are two different things.

Out of all the things that happens in my life I am always open to let friends be friends again. But friends don't date, they hang out. To win me back would involve a lot of pleasing and understanding what's needed to make a fresh start. As for healing, I am fortunate that time is infinite just like the wounds opened for attempting to starting over.

One Last Temptation

For one mere moment in my lonely life I was 'seduced' back into Facebook. Truth be told I really don't want to go back. By the time you are reading this fellow reader of this blog, I make a sincere attempt to be committed to something that I believe in.

When I'm in a committed in a belief and/or a relationship I stay that way. Out of all the 'friends' on the site, there were only a small handful of true friends. This what I want in life: people in life that are real friends. These people should be people that I hang out, spend good times and enjoy a good adventure.

I'm learning to make new 'friends' via Twitter. Even though the majority are single females I feel that I'm connecting on personal level. Maybe Fate sent me to them. If so, I'm happy and hope to have a happy future provided the Fates allow me to be.

The only thing I know I'm starting life anew with strangers that I hardly know yet it feels good. My social life is like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Just looking at the website seemed too busy with too much information. Before I sound like a twittervangelist let it be stated for the record whatsoever I write, I say it with heart and passion.

I still love my friends both past and present with all my heart. Somewhere in my heart and soul they all have special place. This is who I am and always will be.

On A Whim?

Among the few thoughts which dangled on mind today was if I would marry someone after just one date. I remember 'Partridge Family' actor, Danny Bonaduce did just that and the marriage lasted quite a long time. Some of the most interesting things can happen in the name of love.

Personally, I give the actor some very much serious props for marrying someone on his first date and having a marriage last for that certain length of time. Honestly and without a doubt I would respect anyone that could sincerely prove to me the relationship will last forever, including if a girl would attempt to try that with me.

The reason why I'd give respect is because it means from love anything can happen. If I find a couple that proves this scenario can work, it will bring back hope for millions of couples. The basic message would be that love can help overcome nearly anything with great odds. Being sceptical person myself I suppose a man can dream the impossible dream and try to make it a reality.

My Career Goal

The idea came to me last night while on the bus. I've decided as a Child And Youth worker, it would give a better understanding of the world around me. After a few years as one I'd like to eventually (and hopefully) create a Boys And Girls Club branch in the Philippines. Filipinos like my mother grew up in an environment where they could have used a place to be with children and be themselves.

Honestly I prefer not to go into details of how badly children world wide could benefit from youth centers such as The Boys And Girls Club. When I was a volunteer I saw kids enjoying themselves with adults and connecting in a way that helps them grow. It felt good to be part of that albeit for a while.

The Boys And Girls Club of Winnipeg helped open my eyes and yearn to be part of that environment. Part of me can never stop saying 'thank-you' enough times. To this day I still love and cherish the friendship that almost like a family, almost like a love affair. Creating a Boys And Girls Club in the Philippines would be my way sharing that kind of love and passing it along to others. Out of the few things I know it's that love is something you give away and yet keep getting more in return.

Crazy Idea

Show me a girl that will marry me for love after being in a relationship for six months...

And I'll show you a dedicated husband crazy enough to make the marriage work - for better or worse.

Maybe it won't work but who knows, stranger things have happened in my life (so far). But seriously IF a girl did ask to marry upon a whim - it would be the spontaneity that would catch my attention. Only reason why- she's the one asking to marry. Pure logic is thrown out the window.

Logic: the process of applying the principles of correct reasoning to reach a decision/evaluate the truth of a claim

I'm a loyal lover to whomsoever I share a relationship with, pure and simple. As a lover I would do anything to make the relationship work, strengthen and grow. Herein lies the paradox. Then again unless she's pregnant - then it's just full throttle, no questions asked.

Out of all the morale beliefs that I prefer to believe in as a God fearing man- no child of mine should be born out of wedlock, period. The writer of this blog is born and raised Catholic. Among the many things I have intentions of doing is attempting to follow a bloodline of something mentor related and/or Catholics. Set aside of me making this blog somewhat humorous, there are some things I believe in and very strongly want to continue these beliefs for the next generation.

Romantic Mode

Out of all the secrets I've revealed (so far) this is one that I'm willing to reveal to whomsoever actually follows this blog. By all means consider this one a special treat. Anyone that reads this should know that I am one of the few legendary romantics who has yet to romance someone worthy.

When the time comes for me to be romantic I choose to make into an art form. Though I dare not make any attempts to do this on this post. My only wish is not for this side of me to be dormant for too long. Let it be stated in the dawn of this century, whomsoever romances me for a week shall truly be deemed worthy of being my equal.

Post #100

On this post I'd thought share some of my best kept secrets. First off the bat, I love to cook but I dare not show my passion for it whenever family members are present. The reason why? It's not that I'm shy around them - I just don't like being criticized and/or given any suggestions by them.

I love my family to a certain extent. But lord knows some of them are the reason I prefer being 'civil', smile and nod. Honestly I'm not really a jerk by nature but once I got a bit more smarter, the more I yearned for a meaningful and articulate conversation with people (and I still am to this day). On a technical note, I like to socialize with people in general yet the problem is finding a topic which most people want to converse about.

At one point in my life, I used to be a comic book reader. But truth be told it's a real expensive hobby after buying a 'x' amount of comic books. Only reason why I follow "Fresh Ink" is because I'd like to know what worth reading when I can afford to be a reader again. For now I'm the guy who reads them at Wal-Mart.

If there's one thing I've always wanted to do before I die it would be nothing of interest to most people. Without a doubt in my mind, I sincerely try to live life to it's fullest. However somewhere on the list is raising my adrenaline with a loved one. Just for kicks I've always wondered what sex is like while falling out of the sky.

There's a lot of things I love to share with you dear blog reader. Until then I thank-you for reading. As always I promise to attempt to keep things interesting via this blog or Twitter. For now may you live long and prosper.

Package Deal

I have this ongoing question about 'what if'. What if the one destined to be at my side reads this blog on a daily basis? There are a lot of things which I don't know and choose not to know. Questions need answers but not always.

Only so many subjects need answers. For a while now I've been asked this one question. It means that someone that has a special place in both my heart and soul knows who I am. This individual knows my strengths, weaknesses and the real me. Honestly, the two things I need and want to know is if she loves me and promise to always will for the rest of her life.

Most things in my life just seem irrelevant since they don't serve a purpose towards any of my own goals. Right now, the only thing I know to do is forgive and start over. Yes, I want to be loved, share love and love those who love me for being me. For those who push away those who love someone out of fear, should learn to overcome fearing the uncertainty.

When I dream about the outcome of something I want to know, there's fear with the knowledge that it nothing comes true. However when I don't dream about the outcome for a certain scenario, I don't know about what comes next. The only thing I know is whatever comes next is supposedly hope. I am in way a soothsayer, knowing what is not set in stone.

For the record, I am truly a God fearing man and hence nearly attend Sunday mass as often as I can. Even though I'm misunderstood by people, I really try not to be around people I care about. The reason why I may seem as quiet, I have a lot on my mind and tend to reflect often. I choose to be civil instead of nice around certain people only because it's easier than to show any sincere feelings.

Yet I still believe there's some good in people. I hope I am still considered one of the good guys to other people. My heart is still full of empathy for the people around me. Anyone who loves the entire package with all of my flaws I will love them back.

The Click Message

For some odd reason I was thinking about the movie "Click", starring Adam Sandler. To sum up the entire plot, it was about man who put his career before anything else. Nothing sincerely mattered until he realized what was truly important, family and those who loved him.

Bluntly put, money doesn't bring happiness it helps provide what you need. Happiness comes from those who care and loves you with all their heart. Love helps create a family but it's money that helps support its needs. All of these facts are true.

According to the plot the importance of life priorities it should be family, love and career. The only known formula for making a traditional family which comes to mind: First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes the baby carriage. Yet somewhere in the mix of things comes a career that's needed to support each other. My advice is to let your career support those you love and vice versa - find balance with both of them and be happy doing it.

Dare To Be Cupid

I am starting to love the show "Cupid" and some of the ideas that dances in my head. One of the ideas that entered my head was jumping head on into a relationship without any worries. Basically the idea is to listen to your heart without a care in the world. Challenge yourself to be bold and daring, all in the name of love.

Take a chance on someone that professes how special they feel. Basically nothing can be gained without venturing into the unknown. Dive in with both feet and go from there. Spontaneity in a relationship helps make it feel alive, embrace chaos.

Everything in the name of love, nothing should be completely linear. If the Fates were to allow me to be in a relationship, I'd define the meaning of 'surprise' on a romantic level and make it sexy. One of these days I yearn to prove that I practice of what I preach in the romance department. In the meantime I will tune in every Tuesday night and remember what love is one episode at a time.

Too Late Story

If there's one romantic comedy plot line that I don't like it's the one where the main character discovers the right one for him/her was just under their nose yet too dense to realize this. Eventually we as the audience get the "Hollywood Ending" thumbed tacked on and then do the happy dance. For those who think it's possible in real life, I believe this scenario can't work in real life.

Most of the time people just want to move on and keep looking. Having a special place in their heart and holding a torch for this person means you want to have your cake and eat it. Good luck. For those who have pulled off this scenario in real life, I tip my hat with the utmost respect.

Once you find someone that makes you feel special in your heart, don't hesitate. Go out and tell this person how you feel about him/her and then make plans for a date. This is how you find someone that makes you happy. It's not rocket science and true romance is only complicated if you make it this way.

So Far

Sometimes there's been one daunting question if I had the chance to change one thing in my life what would it be. If there's one thing I know it would be absolutely nothing. For a while now I've been taking the time to self reflect, look forward as well reflect upon the present.

Not many people can stop and see the whole picture like I do or for that matter privileged to be blessed in this manner. The more I think in this manner the only thing I accept the outcome of things to come and what has transpired. My life is my own and always will be. How I change will be and always has been such a spiritual journey.

That Motive

Today I thought I'd give some free relationship advice with hopes it doesn't fall on false ears: If the person in your relationship keeps saying "You'll do it if you love me." as a means to stop being friends with a certain someone - he/she is trying to control you. This isn't love and you should get out of the relationship. Anyone who feels the need to be dominat in a relationship most likely doesn't consider you as an equal and a selfish lover.

People who are a selfish lover actually love themselves and treat their partner more or less as a trophy than a human being. Sadly most people are blinded by love not to notice this fact and/or ignore it completely. Manipulating and controlling a person with love is wrong. The people who do notice this such as friends and family should know it's next to impossible to intervene with this person because the partner used fear tactics and labels.

Real lovers don't control their partner for whatever reason, period. Lovers embrace friendship with kindness, respect and warmth. Good relationships of any sort are built on faith and trust with people that you care about. Lasting relationships are based on respect, trust and being kind to those around you.

Proof Of My Finte Knowledge

I am going to naturally make the assumption that people need proof that I have finite information about relationship advice. Fine. Here's the truth about 80% of my advice comes from my own personal experience and learning from it. The other 20% comes from burying my nose in tons of relationship books.

Dear reader the truth is I'm still always learning about several things. But after wondering where I went wrong and how I could have made it work. The first thing that I did was read enough information and kept on going. Readers I'll prove it when 'hunting season' begins. Only thing stopping me from dating anytime soon is me getting out of debt, lack of casual work shifts will do that.

Yet I assure who ever is reading this I'm learning to listen to my heart. The worst that could happen is nothing. My heart has been scorned enough times to learn to go on and heals faster after every rejection and/or break-up. After a while I make myself a bit more stronger.

Me The Perfect Boyfriend?!

I just had the most interesting "aha moment" that's very profound. The fact is I have finite amount of knowledge about relationships. After several years of hearing stories about break-ups, what went wrong and so forth, I've amassed enough knowledge what makes a relationship work than most relationship experts learn in their own lifetime. Humbling as this may be I still hate the irony.


Truth be told I'm not egotistical in nature or at least I try not to be. Most of the time I just write about whatever comes to mind while being honest about it. Upon theory, I suppose I am the 'perfect' boyfriend in terms of knowing what to say and understanding of what's needed in a relationship. Yet at the same time I'm also a diamond with many flaws just waiting to be polished.

The Ideal Relationship

This is officially the few times I'm going to ever mention what I'm looking for in life. Soon I'll be planning to hunt for a relationship sometime in May. Even though I have nearly finite information about relationships in general, I've been reluctant to be in one for the longest time. Without a doubt in my mind I know the type I want to be in - the one who loves me for being me minus the heartache baggage from the previous one.

Dear reader of this blog, I'll be openly blunt with what I'm looking for in a relationship - someone that's ready to settle down into married life. I'm at the point in my life this is what I want and nothing else matters. Only three things in my life are important: love, family and career (in that order). Things like dating for over a year make me think she's reluctant for a serious commitment.

It may sound like I want to hush into married life with someone significant but once I know I want to be with someone for the rest of my life, I don't want to let go. Truthfully, 'yes' I'm scared to be in a relationship at a slow pace. However my belief is if the relationship is longer than the time being engaged I tend to question why. The only true thing I know is I want to be in a relationship that lasts beyond forever.

Finding Me

There are so many things which fascinate me as person and shaped me into the person that I am now. When I was a kid I liked Transformers because it was different and really made me use my imagination. Something about giant robots from another planet was the most original idea created by a toy company.

Out of all the people that influenced me was my best friend Johnathan when he introduced me into the world of science fiction. It started out with stuff like 'Quantum Leap', 'Star Trek' and 'The X-Files'. The one show that interests me the most was 'The Twilight Zone', yet to this day makes me think.

Eventually I was fully hooked on cinema and television. I don't know how that happened but I blame Quentin Tarantino and his love making movies. Being a filmmaker allowed me to be creative in ways I never thought possible. My first script was largely influenced by J.J. Abrams and his show "Alias". People like Bryan Fuller, J.J. Abrams and Judd Apatow gave me a reason to think outside the box.

Somewhere in the mix of things I also became a fan of several other things which include comic books, Anime and I've been a gamer since the introduction of the Atari 2600. The last statement might give hint of how old I am but I don't care. Bottom line is that I was born to be a geek, it's who I am and I suppose always will be. One thing I've learned is that more I change as person, the more things still stay the same in terms of what I like.

Possessive Hearts Are Toxic Ones

For those who read this blog from time to time should know upon occasion I will write some relationship advice. Recently I've been thinking about this one relationship that REALLY made me think. Another lifetime ago, I used to be friends with girl who used to date men I'd swear never met before but got jealous of whenever I was mentioned. Why?

I'm the nice and harmless guy, nothing more. Guys who are jealous of me are in fact possessive. Truthfully and honestly nice guys like myself don't have an agenda to steal anyone's girlfriend. Paranoia and thoughts of fear stir up in their head that they can't and/or don't know how to keep the girl in relationship if there's another guy being mentioned.

Sadly, it's also sign of a possessiveness and a very toxic relationship that some people don't notice right away. The person in your relationship isn't a 'trophy' but instead a human being and should be treated as one. My advice? Get out of a relationship the second he/she claims that you belong to them.

You are not anyone's property but your own. For the love of God, I don't know why most girls are blinded and/or tolerate this type of behavior. Guys shouldn't treat girls as if they're pimps and vice versa. A real man treats a lover with respect and constantly reminds them of how much their love means to them in their relationship.

There are ways to disarm 'the other guy' that she mentions without feeling jealous. You are just being reminded that you need to make that significant other feel special. A damn fool takes a relationship for granted. Remember there's a lot of other guys sitting in the sidelines waiting for their turn.

But not me. I'm the one that's going to prove it when my time comes to be in a relationship. Over the years I've taken so many 'mental notes', to the point I'd like to think I have become somewhat of an expert on the subject. I may not know much on a lot of stuff but I do know next person I date will most likely be my lover for life. Nonetheless I hope all of my female friends hope that they will find happiness with someone that loves them back.

If Only Broadcast Journalism Was Like This

Happy Birhtday To Me Soonish

A month from now I'll be one year older than I was last year. After several moments of self-reflection it makes me think "Where do I go from here?", even though I know the answer. Why? I can never know what 'curve ball' The Fates may come out of left field.

Looking back, there's a list of events that put a huge chip on my shoulder. After a while I've learned how insignificant the bad times in my life really are. So I've been given a few bumps in the road of life. Conflict of any sort actually makes life interesting.

Still... I would like to wake up one day into a dream life. For once in my life I'd to stop being misunderstood by those who matter in my life, a friend that will follow my example of true friendship and most importantly enjoy company of others. But what I've learned (and still stands true by many other advisers) life is what you make of it. Create your own destiny and master it.

Local Winnipeg Filipino Not Smarter Than You

This is going to be the few times I'm going to reveal a bit about myself. One of the pet peeves is that people (including my family members) tend to underestimate me and quick to judge without thinking. Fellow reader, I'm going to give you a life lesson that I sincerely hope that you will learn. Just because someone might seem like a slow learner might mean he/she has selective attention.

Without going into the psychological details, it means I choose to learn something that interests me as a person. I am always thinking and lucky enough to have a functioning brain since I've been hit in the head several times. If I weren't involved in several blows to the head I would be a genius of some sort but I'm not. Nonetheless I am capable to retain some new knowledge without the aid of stimulated drugs.

Before I continue, I must assure you that I'm not ranting. Instead I am trying to rationalize an understanding both my quirks and faults with complete honesty. One of the few things that I've learned over the years is that many people judge other from their actions and make a perceptive conclusion. Linear thinking isn't always the best way to make an assessment of one's being.

The truth about me is that I learn, adapt and become whatever I choose to be. After learning of what I become I also evolve as a person, sort of like advanced artificial intelligence. More I learn, the more I comprehend and understand about the world around me.
Essentially, I've learned to be complex yet have a simple outlook on life.

People who get to really know me, learn that I'm quite an interesting surprise with several layers of fascinating interest. Deep inside all of this complex unique individual is a human being that's misunderstood on several levels it upsets me. It also makes me think that I have no equal.

Just the thought has me to presume humanity has yet to evolve further as a species. Set aside the fact I can be arrogant, there's still an ounce of truth in this statement. At the same time I've also humbly proven that I am no better at perceiving the world around me than the person reading this and that the title of this blog is very much appropriately truthful. Without a doubt we are all still human beings trying to better ourselves and evolve past the perception of individuals without knowing the person as a whole.

We as a species owe it to ourselves to evolve beyond to a greater plane of comprehensive understanding of the world around us. Maybe someday we will. The last thing to come out of Pandora's box was 'hope'. As a person that's learning to be a good mentor to children, to look for hope is something to believe goodness comes from within the heart, at least it's a start to something good in this world.

Revealing Thought

As of right now I just had a revelation, something about love. Sadly this information is far from being 'new' to me. Some of the oddest things happen to me, after a while I get used to it. Why these happen I'll never know. Belief that a girl will come to me to profess her undying love makes me think the word 'stalker', among other thoughts of creepy things not romantic.

The only thing I know I want is being loved and faithful to whomsoever I love. Everything else doesn't mean much to me at this point of my life. My daily life consists of studying, eating, the occasional Twitter and sleeping. Maybe someday I will wake up and find happiness with a significant other, 2.5 children and living suburbia.

Until then I hope for something good will come into my life and remember what it's like to share happiness with someone.

The Importnace of The Newspaper

We live in a digital age. This begs the question of why we need to support print newspaper. Reason? It took me a while to answer this inquiry.

As a western society it's our nature to follow trends including the electronic and online ones. Fact of the matter is that people like myself sometimes forget the importance of daily print news. It serves a purpose as a link to the non-electronic world. Take away every known electronic device that everyone relied upon over the last twenty odd years and you forget how to manage.

Living in an electronic age has it's flaws and far from perfect. For as long as we confine ourselves to these convince devices, we are the slaves that rely on the service which it provides. Online news comes from various networks of information. But local news informs the communities around the city. This is how a community area stays informed with the changing world around them, outside the online world.

Not everyone in the world is part of the digital age or the ongoing trends. Everything in the online community is different than the little part of the world around us. Although the source of information is changing, the purpose for being informed stays the same no matter the format. Print media shouldn't be a forgotten medium but embraced with the changing times.

Aptitude Of What

This is going to be one the few times I am going to post one of my best kept secrets. Back in my post-high school years I was asked to take an aptitude test. One of the few things I knew was the fact I could give 'fake' answers, proving that I belong in a certain field. Aptitude tests are for thing only, tell you where you belong in which career field.

Only known flaw it does not give you precise ideal career path, just the industry best suited for you. Lord knows I wanted to be part of the film industry/broadcasting, using my creativity to it's fullest potential. Good parents urge a child to follow their dreams. Mine wanted to suppress it and wanted me to be as realistic as possible.

Same people that gave birth to me 'shoved' me into job placement centers that would satisfy the fact their first born is a working man. I still loathe and disgust them for doing that. But I am willing to be a better man by loving them for bringing me into this world. Nearly ten long years have past since this 'karma prison' was built.

"Be careful for what you wish for, you just might get it." Today I can laugh about what I've been through. It has taken me a long time to find my 'other career' path. Someday I hope to thank the people who inspired me to pursue it.

Yes I still want to pursue a career as a film maker. But I also have a great deal of passion for children with hopes of someday being a mentor and a father. These are facts that I cannot deny. Love for two professions at my age felt like being two different people. Here stands one that does it for hope for a better future, flip the coin a man wants the same goal.

Solution? I am going to create films by using the money I earn with my full time career. Documentaries that I create are going to help inspire children. A percentage of the money that I earn from the box office sales will fund the launch of my own charity organization.

For as long I shall live I will always despise aptitude tests. No test can truly claim the type of person that you can be when you decide to grow up. It will only tell you what you should be. This is what awoken the rebel inside me and fight the battle to conform into society. I never liked being forced to choose my own path, I wanted to forge my own.

Lazy Wednesday?

I never thought it would be possible but I just feel so laid back.  Normally Wednesdays are one huge hump of problems.  Stop and imagine a week that doesn't have any major conflicts, except for the financial ones.  On the one hand, it's something that no one should ever complain about. Without chaos there's nothing but everything done in an orderly routine manner.

This may not seem like a bad thing yet it upsets the balance of things, whatever that might be. Maybe I've earned this blessing and I should accept this as one.  Perhaps I don't see boredom as much of a personal ongoing struggle.  Someday I hope to learn to be happy living in the now.    

Just Human

      As an aspiring humanitarian I just want to help so much.  Yet I have to remind myself that I'm not Superman and shouldn't make any attempts for being like one.   Sometimes I forget that when I decided to be more involved with the local community.  Long story, short I was asked to join the Knights of Columbus a year before I started volunteering for The Boys And Girls Club of Winnipeg and now I'm thinking how I'll be able to juggle both of them.

    I give because I care and I love to give.  Within my heart I have an infinite amount of love to share and give on this place we call 'Earth'.  Maybe I should just give myself a hug and remember to enjoy the moments in life.  

Cheat This

Recently, I've stumbled upon the show "Cheaters". It's a syndicated reality series about investigating possible cheaters. My personal opinion for this show is toxic for the mind. Whilst I condone myself for watching it and judging the reactions, I'd like to make the assumption that events could have been preventable.

Just for the record, IF cheating were to occur in my relationship the initial reaction would be thoughts of vengeance. However I wouldn't act upon these actions since it wouldn't be the gentleman's approach. Eventually there would be communication and an understanding that I'd forgive but not forget.

All in all, the only thing that matters is knowing she is happy with who make her happy. For her to accept me back into my life would mean requesting sincere change and more open communication. Without a doubt in my mind, I believe in second chances, honor and respect. On a technical note, I have yet to have anyone back in a relationship. There's a story too embarrassing for sharing on my behalf, yet I wish her well.

One of the things that I've learned is that a good relationship has to have a strong foundation of both communication and understanding. Always listen and understand the needs between you and your lover. The last thing anyone should do is take your relationship for granted. Reasons why people cheat is because there's purposing lacking respect for the other person.

Why I know all of this is largely because I've heard a lot of heartache. IF and when I am in a relationship, one of the things I promise is to always listen and understand of what's needed to make my relationship something worth while filled with love and respect. Every day should feel special, warm and moving.

I could post finite information about relationships without being in one. Lord knows I try not to and yet I do it only because I care. For anyone that reads this should know having finite knowledge about this subject means I am and can be the few souls that's willing to share an infinte amount of love with another person. For now I hope someday love will come my way, even if I must wait forever.

Those Other Metacritcs

Sometimes I wonder about the user comments on Metacritc. The ones I'm talking about those who purposely give bad reviews online while the majority are giving praise.  Are they being honest or do they just hate things in general? Sometimes I wonder.

Yes, everyone is truly entitled to their own opinion but I have yet to read anything remotely honestly articulate from those who post these bad reviews. Alas there are very few things in life I no longer question these mysteries in cyberspace.  To articulate your thoughts is to care about in what you believe in.  Hate is a four letter word.

A good writer speaks from the heart and great writers show it with passion. For those who review with anger, most of the time blind themselves with rage and lack focus of what's important.  My advice to future writers: Always listen to your heart and be true to yourself. Be sure to also apply this to your daily life and you will find happiness.         

My Late Night Post

For some odd reason I can't sleep.  Instead I thought about posting whatever came to mind: 

• Old articles from 'Wired' magazine have some (very few) valid points.

• I like posting relationship advice even though I am not in one (just yet wink, wink)

• 99.9% of me still thinks I was born to be a New Yorker but a Canuck  at heart.

• ANYTHING that glows in the dark is highly considered a novelty item until a blackout occurs.

• Some posts are subjects I want to get off my chest.

• I will rarely post a link to my blog on Twitter like this one.

• Seriously questioning the cut and paste bugs when I write my blogs.

Last but not least I never mention anyone's name unless he/she had a good track record of keeping a special place in my heart because I respect other people's privacy including my family. If I do it means I wish I could spend the rest of my days with them, even then it's still considered a rare privilege. 

'Nuff Said. 

(Don't Read This)

This is the only few times I'm going to mention anyone's full name in a blog post.  For the record I've personally extinguished nearly all of the torches I held for girls that I could have dated in my past except one, Catherine Altham.  She was the first on my list and only one I ran away from. Until I know there's someone that loves me for me with all of my faults and who I am, I will still have feelings for her.

Yes, I'm ready to let go of the love and the life I could have shared with her.  But to forget what she still means to me is another thing.  Whenever I eat a 'Sweet Marie' chocolate bar nowadays it just simply translates for me as I'm still looking for that one to live "happily ever after".  The last time I ate one I still thought about her one last time of the romance I could have shared.

Honestly, I'd be willing to admit she raised the bar quite high in terms of everything I could ever hoped for.  Although this information would break the heart of someone that loves me but truth be told I have yet to experience 'the whole package' of a loving relationship.  I want to know what it's like to wake up to real love every day for the rest of my life with someone that's willing to commit to that type of relationship.  

One kiss to rule over all of my days with one heart from one person that loves with true love is all that I ask from The Fates.  Catherine Altham is not the villain of  this story but the hero. She reminds what love is, could be and that I can find it with someone special.  I hope her nothing but the best.  No lover of mine should be jealous of you in any shape or form, instead thankful that I know what love can be if I share it with another.

What I'm REALLY Looking For (Honest)

I could write several blog posts of what I'm looking for in a girlfriend.  Honestly it's the same of what I'd be looking for in a wife.  First and foremost I'd like to be in a relationship that's open and honest, change me for the better only because she cares about me and without a doubt in my mind someone that can make a good meatloaf meal.  

Somewhere in the mix of things I know there are ladies that are  sweet and angelic in nature, nasty demons in the bedroom, fun loving and everything else that I may have mentioned in my previous postings. Finding someone with intellectual wit for myself is an ideal persona but take away the honesty, she would just be a 'wanna be' that's wasting my time.  Also I don't want to be with a girl that spends most of her time on a cell phone, it's both a pet peeve and a turn-off.

Having bad habits means we are only human. But I'm also willing to change my ways only if you care enough to say so.  Yet at the same time I don't want to bend over backwards just to please you.  In other words, please don't ask for me to change overnight, accept the fact it takes baby steps with a lot of patience.  Remember that Rome wasn't build in a day and patience is the greatest virtue for anyone can have.  

Last but not least, I love meatloaf plain and simple.  This might not be my kryptonite but it's very close.  Just for the record I will never reveal my kryptonite via blog or even as a secret tweet. But I will know if I have a girlfriend that reads my blog and the one I know is devoted to knowing who I am as a person.  Hence I know this is the one I want to eventually reveal my one mortal weakness.   

Post #75

my mind has been a wondering forrest. forgetting what is important. blurred reasoning. lust for understanding. search for purpose. wait. heal the heart with time. breathe.  return to the path. begin anew. 

The Week (So Far)

  

   This week for some odd reason I didn't feel like doing anything.  My highlight was finding out that I am willing to do nearly anything  to make new friends and it feels good.  Honestly without a doubt in my mind, I proved it by going to a part of the city that I do not like for several various reasons. Why did I do it?  I want to be known to others as a 'true friend'.

   My heart is rich with love and I want to share it as if there's no tomorrow. Over the years some of the best advice that I got was treat everyday as if it were my last.  Therefore I've decided to stop holding onto grudges against people.  Without a doubt in my mind, I have grown  to accept this one fate that someday we are all fated to die sooner or later.  Now and then it's just best to live in the moment, carpe diem.

   Eventually I will find time to take a serious look at studying for the next Psychology test.  My only problem is that whenever I study for I see a lot of terminology to memorize.  Reading notes about the brain and neurons is easy to the point I wonder where I can condense the information onto just one sheet.  If I didn't know better I'd think the teacher is trying to teach the student different ways upon 'how' to study for a test.

  Next on the list of things to is watching the new 'Street Fighter' movie on Saturday.  My friend is a fan of the character 'Chun-Li' and I agreed to attend because this is what friends do.  C'est la vie.  As far as I'm concerned my life is an interesting adventure and enjoying every moment of it.  

  

 

  

 

Did I Forget To Mention?

If there's one thing I'm willing to bound my soul to it would be my intellectual equal to stimulate my senses. But looking for one in Winnipeg seems harder than it looks.  Temptation is calling me to New York City.  Just thinking about it feels like a dream that I don't want to wake up from.

Not Specifically But

I've been thinking what other qualities I could look for in a girlfriend.  I like a good variety of personalities.  Somewhere in the mix there's the nerdy type who likes to play video games, read comic books yet very lady like.  A primary example would be G4's host of 'Fresh Ink' Blair Butler. Ever since I started followed her podcast, I think her sense of humor is sexy.

When I converse with someone I'd like to feel a dynamic chemistry flow between us.  Hence I don't like looking for compatibility in a relationship.  The fact a couple has something in common means you like the same things.  Universally this means if there's no chemistry flow in the conversation then it's just two people enjoying their company. Nonetheless at least I know that there's someone who likes something that I like.  

Although I am more of an optimist, I feel a bit skeptical about my chances at finding my ideal mate with these qualities.  The only thing I am certain is the fact I'm not looking someone that has the body of a porn star but the sexual appetite of one.  However if I do find one with these qualities (including the sexual appetite part) I would do anything to prove my worth as a boyfriend.  Give me a reason to switch to 'boyfriend mode' and I'll give you a reason why I'm someone that you would eventually want to marry.    

Vow of One

       

                   I, Andrew Francis Relano hereby vow to satisfy the needs of my mate if she can create a meatloaf meal that will satisfy my stomach.  

Specifically That One

   At my age I've been pondering a bit about the possibility of getting back into the dating game next week with maybe a few specifics.  In terms of compatibility it would be nice to meet someone that likes to read comic books, plays video games or at least something fun like bowling.  If by chance I were to meet someone that was into all three it would be somewhat of an ideal mate.  Yet these are just things I'm into in terms of favorite pastimes.

 Just because someone likes the same thing doesn't mean I'm looking that specific type of person.  The real qualities that I'm looking for that enjoys to have a good time, fun loving and has an outgoing spirit.  She needs to have the heart of a loving angel but a nasty demon in the sack.  I would like to find one with a beautiful soul.

 Honestly I have outgrown the club scene a lifetime ago and ready to look for outside of that toxic environment.  Show me a girl looking for a husband and I'll show you a girl wearing an engagement ring in nine months.  The only thing she needs to know about me is that I am a loyal lover when I'm in a relationship.  One of these days I hope to find that special one in my life.  

If I Won

There's a lot of talk about the amount to be won in the upcoming lottery jackpot.  After hearing of what people would do with $48 million dollars, I thought I'd share my ideas.  First of all, I'm a simple guy with simple pleasures. My attraction to money would be my chance to donate the amount I've always want to give to charity.

First on the list would be 'The Boys And Girls Club of Winnipeg' so that the children would have a chance to enjoy living their life as a child to it's fullest.  I feel I've given so much as a volunteer and yet I want to continue to give more.  My heart sank when I learned I cannot contribute more help any time soon.  Everything that I did was for the love for an organization that reminded what love can be if you were to allow it to be.  

Second on the list would be to help transform a plaza in my mother's hometown into a community centre.  This is actually a dream of mine from a person who reminded and inspired me the importance of being part of a community. As a thank-you I would name the hall in her honor so that she could inspire others for several years to come.  

Last but not least I'd create my own non-profit organization that would encourage inner city children to read graphic novels.  This is a personal pet project of mine that I would love to see a reality.  My only minor 'flaw' would be having it specified to only teenagers due to the subject matter involved in the various graphic novels.  Someday I hope to make this one dream a reality.

Nonetheless I suppose a man can only dream for a better place to live in and have the finer things in life.  My idea of a better place to live is where children have a better lifestyle.  One of the finest things in life is the company of good people.  Just as long as I have a good roof over my head, clothes to wear and a meal to eat everyday what matters the most to me.  For as far I'm concerned I prefer spending time with friends than several amounts of money.    

 

My Life Write Now

Why I Re-joined Twitter And Left Facebook

I felt the same way in this video but still wanted to be part of a certain online social community. The only thing I know is that I like to write whatever is on my mind. Both Blogger and Twitter serves that purpose which includes also getting to meet new people, share ideas and think differently about the world around us. As a writer I'm remembering what it feels like to express myself while sharing random thoughts whenever I feel like it.

When I Twitter it gives me ideas of what to blog about and it makes me happy. Honestly, I want real friends that want to hang out and do stuff. Although the list is a bit short, I enjoy their company and every time we do stuff it reminds me of what true friendship is about. Real friends are who help define us as a person, not people who know people. Stop and think about this idea for a moment: Social networking should be about getting to know people in real life, not as part of an online community.

Harder Than It Looks

After licking my 'wounds' from my post-Valentine woes have me thinking about a few things.  Up till now, I've been blaming The Fates (and still stand by this belief) why I have yet to be in a relationship in the past few years. Answer: It's not me, it's them. 

My guess is most girls either don't have the confidence to ask guys like me to a date and/or too afraid to approach me in conversation. Truth told, I feel the same way but I don't show it.  What I've learned over the years: IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IF SOMEONE REJECTS YOU.  Recently I've become carefree and aloof with the opposite sex.

How?  I just woke up one morning and became confident without any explanation.  Maybe it's a psychological conditioning.  Who knows why anything happens for whatever reason.

The only thing I know is that if I were asked out for a date it would mean to me this individual proven the right to be considered my equal.  My only promise that I could make is treating her as one. Compatibility only goes so far in a relationship but equality , honesty and respect goes farther making it stronger.

Playlist Advice

After I learned that some people might actually be reading my blog posts via my Twitter profile I thought I'd give some sage advice today.  For those who follow and read my previous posts know that I only have now a certain amount of songs on my Mac.  If there's one thing that I know it's the fact a playlist is like your fingerprint, unique and special in its own way or at least it should be.  For those who are music lovers this advice is for you:

                                              "Let your music reflect your persona."

'Nuff Said

Challenge Of The Fates

For those who have been following this blog knows recently I challenged Fate for making my life miserable.  The last time I did this was when I had enough with whatever happens to me on Friday the 13th. Good news is nothing major bad happened, just the tail end of a bad week. Honestly I couldn't really complain about the day except of the fact I need to enjoy life more often.  

Yes, I know I shouldn't tempt the Fates into giving them some crazy ideas.  I'm also aware that I should be careful of what I wish for but... knowing that I will have  someone making me happy for the rest of my life is only thing that motivates me to do whatever.  No, I might not be a 'Superman' though it will be nice to liked as one.    

My Compensation Wish

Since I found out I won't be attending the wedding reception I've thinking about a few things:

a) Fate cheated me out of a good time

b) there should be some sort of cosmic rule against this

c) something 'good' will come out of this outcome created by Fate

There's a cosmic order of things upon how things work in the universe.  My 'theory' is if enough bad events happen to one person then the same amount of good events have to occur in order to balance it out.  Weddings are a blessed event created by Destiny.  After utilizing this logic, I think I should be compensated by Destiny 'one wish'. 

Somewhere in the grand cosmic order of the universe a 'glitch' was created. In order to create balance, the known universe I deserve a blessed event of equal or greater value.    Crazy as this may sound I feel screwed over for a chance at true love.  It's only fair that I request for once in my life Destiny will send me to the one person that will always love me forever.  Honestly the only thing I really want is to be happy and in love with someone that has a good heart, loves children and enjoys life.   

If Destiny were to grant me this one wish I will accept this Fate that I've created with open arms.  So be it.  Let the Fates be good to me this one time so that I may believe in something once more.    

The Very Short End Of A Stick

Well, the cat's out of the bag.  My mother (God bless her) finally figured out that due to a minor technical note I couldn't attend my cousin's wedding in October. It's not that I didn't want to attend the wedding but funny thing about attending a community college: the work load per class is similar to Mt. Everest.  Hence the minor problem hit me like a ton of bricks.  

Solution?  It involves me attending the ceremony part and flying home back to hitting the books. As a party guy, this is not the compromise that I was looking for. My reward for being responsible comes in the end of June 2011.  I was hoping for a chance to catch the garter once again so I could raise my chances at true love.  

The Meh Long Weekend

Sometimes I just don't want to get out of bed.  This weekend (so far) I felt like putting my emotions onto my blog.  Last week has been such an emotional roller coaster to the point I just wanted to get off. However the problem it's now a passing moment.  Maybe this is sign that good things are going to come my way.

For a whole week my life has been with so many twists and turns I never thought such a nightmare would never end.  No, I don't want to know how the universe works but I just want to stop walking on broken glass.  There's a part of me that still continues looking for hope in this upside-down world that I created for myself.  As I've previously posted a few times, 'hope' is all I have left of which gives me reason to wake up in the morning.  

If 'hope' is the only thing left in your life it means that you don't have anything left to loose.  Few things I've learned this week: 

a) ranting on a blog can be therapeutic

b) growing up emotionally is harder than it looks

c) when all else fails; blame it on a full moon

  Also I've decided that I'd rather be a speedster than teleport in terms of which superpower I'd want.  Since I'm so busy these days I need it seems I'm needed in several different places. Eh?  No matter what my life is always going to be interesting.  

  

Pressure Overload Nearly Kills Sanity

If I could have one wish this week it would be getting the answers that I need.  This week has me walking on a lot of eggshells.  On Monday, I am informed that at the start of every class there will be a test. At first,  just thinking about the pressure to pass 'Psychology' was poured on really thick long before I even started the class.  Honesty and without any sincere doubts I knew the pressure was on but I didn't want to show it.

The good news is that I have a week to mentally prepare, to prove myself and release the tension. Not many people know this but all of this overwhelming stress crashed onto me like a tidal wave and crushing everything in site.  All of my sanity quickly is going south faster than it should.  For goodness sake I see the path to a better life within my reach but it just seems so far away.

Yesterday I thought of trying to release it by having some fun on the workplace.  Sadly, it was a bad idea and upset the co-worker.  The truth is that I didn't want anyone to know that I'm masking the ongoing built up tension from last night.  No one can know that somewhere in the workplace is a powder keg ready to explode.  Letting people know this fact isn't healthy. 

As for today, my parents think that I'm not taking this subject on seriously enough.  However I've decided the logical approach is to get all of tension out of my system then bury my nose into the textbook.  Getting all this pressure to pass this one course feels like a lot of weight on my shoulders.  The problem that they created for me doesn't help me on a mental level but the exact opposite.

For nine years I've been working in a stress filled environment that drives people nuts.  I'm one the few carefree people that has still works there.  As for why I still work there... who knows. Only thing I know is whenever I hit my boiling point I eventually just want to let loose. How I release tension, that's another story for another day.  

The only thing I know is that putting all of my rants online helps me get some perspective on life.  Right now, I thank those who read and understand my woes.

Sure Change

   Looking back at the previous and various subjects that I've posted, I haven't been too sure on a lot of things in my life.  The few things that I'm certain now is the fact I've become more aloof over the last few months yet a larger heart for so many things. Another change is the fact I've many things on my mind to the point I want to post them.  Last but not least is the fact I'm still a catalyst for certain people.

  The only good thing I know in my life are these changes that are happening.  'No' I don't want to know the 'how' and/or 'why' of anything.  If things happen the way they did for a reason, so be it. Accepting my Fate and the direction it turns is one of the most important things I ever did (so far).  

  Being aloof saved my life even though it's not in my nature of doing so.  Strange but true I woke up one morning and became this way.  There wasn't any reason to become cool towards others.  If this attitude leads to something good, I'll consider it a blessing.  

  I like the idea of things coming to my mind and trying to pound it all online.  For me it means I will always have something to blog about.  A while back I didn't have much to post, yet alone think there was anything worth mentioning.  Nowadays writers block is a thing of the past. 

  To be a catalyst isn't a bad thing.  Out of the few things I take pride upon is making change for the better.  Inspiring others used to be a personal pastime of mine.  For being one sets good things into motion. 

  For the record, I'm still one of the good guys on the inside just very much misunderstood.  The real Andrew has this huge heart that wants to share feelings that make people feel good.  My problem is right now is the fact I work with people that don't make this possible.  Upon conclusion I will always be the type of person that likes change whatever it may be.   

100 Songs

  

   One of the hardest things I've done was deleting songs off my hard drive for more disk space.  It seems I didn't have enough space for WoW:WoLK (World of Warcraft: Wrath of The Lich King), the latest expansion pack.  Several good songs were mercilessly lambs to be butchered.  The good news the remains are my favorite songs that would like to put into a mix.

  Bad news?  There is less than seven hours of music.  Honestly, I've been thinking about getting an iPod Shuffle for a while now. My current iPod is much too bulky and such an inconvenience as I commute from 'Point A' to 'Point B'.  

Question: Was the expansion worth the sacrifice? Answer: Hell, yes!

Note to self: Buy more memory...  Somehow everything fell into place and I cannot complain.  :D  

 

Love Thy Fate

    

     Have you ever had a strange dream?  Sometimes I wonder why I have them in the first place.  Recently I've had celestial beings warning me about a possible forthcoming relationship that might exist. Apparently I created certain 'ripple effects' which may or may not lead to an unwanted romance.  

    Every action has a cause and effect, this is fact.  If there's one thing I learned from over the years there's a purpose to every action, nothing is a random factor.  But how does one relationship involving romance be a fate worse than death? Somewhere in my world that I was led to believe most lovers are destined to be, not by Fate.  

  Yes, both Destiny and fate are one and the same yet the definitions are different.  One is portrayed more favorable than the other.  Either way these are factors that are expected. Supposedly one's love is not meant to be, it just happens for this one certain goal. 

  Nonetheless I grown to accept whatever happens serves its role. Why? For as long as I want to remember trying to be master of your destiny just does not seem to be an applicable objective. At this point in my life when you're down, the only direction you can go is up.      

The Friday I Want To Avoid

   

   For the record I haven't been a superstitious person in a long time.  However for some odd reason over the years,  a list of mere coincidences have made me reluctant to make human contact with anyone on Friday the 13th.  Although it's an inevitable of doing so, Fate always has found a way to make it my worse day ever to the point I just want to sleep in.  Upon the last umpteenth years of my life and for as long as I want to remember I don't know how or why but somehow one way or another bad things have happened to me.

  In the name of all things good, IF there was a just and loving 'God' maybe this year will be different.  Maybe for once all of the planetary alignments just might be in my favor and it will be my luckiest day ever.  So far, nothing in my life has gone right. If it does, the chance of anything going my way doesn't last long. 

  Was I meant to be unlucky for the rest of my existence? There are just some things I want to know.  Sure -- (maybe)  there's a list of things that were my fault and why I'm this way.  But everything else I know were a chain of events which lead towards my one bad day for the month.  

  The good Lord knows I could go on and on why my life sucks. Yet after some much needed reflecting on my part I will always wonder about 'the why factor'.  Thinking about the bad events that occurred isn't healthy.  Sadly, I can't even put a positive spin on this except for the fact I'm always looking for hope. 

  Maybe if I had a soul to sell, I'd exchange it for next Friday to be the day where I start a blossoming romance which will lead to a meaningful relationship and a blissful marriage with loving children.  Right now, the Fates are reading this and laughing at me.  Perhaps the Devil is grinning from ear to ear wanting to seize this opportunity while knowing that I'll be screwed over in the end -- I can read the small print on her contracts... As for 'God'  he warns me to be careful of what I wish for.  

  One of these days I've got to stop flipping off the Fates and maybe something good will come my way.  Then again,  I'd like to have a reason not to give Fate the finger.  Yes, Karma has a sense of humor ( a sick and twisted one) but at least one day I will laugh about it after I'm dead. Nonetheless I suppose I can only look towards hope for the best day ever whenever that day may be.   

Happy New Me

   This month I've been trying to find myself a sense of identity.  Sometimes I forgot who I am and if I had a purpose in life.  For a while now I've been old piece of meat that nobody wanted.  All of this changed when after watching, "The Wrestler".  Never in my whole life (up to now) I wondered if my life had any meaning -- in truth it does.

  For the longest time I've been comfortable being a lone wolf for much too long.  Lord knows that no man should be an island though it's a path that some of us choose.  Honestly I wanted to have a sense of belonging and I found it. My problem was that I didn't allow myself to be part of anything.  It was quite the awakening when I made this possible.

  Last week I nearly went broke after making a choice to finally meeting guild members on WoW (World of Warcraft).  This was the highlight of my weekend, getting to know people that I've been chatting with outside this virtual world.  For one Saturday I finally met up to now haven't had the chance since I joined their guild, learned that certain drinks are either 'hit' or 'miss'.   Although I didn't join them for the movie part, it seem very important that I watched the movie that I saw that night.

  Yesterday I braved the cold and got back into a routine that I could follow.  Also I learned to discipline myself when it comes to writing.  Right now and the rest of my life I'd like to think I am on the path of something good.  In a few weeks I plan to start thinking about what is important while trying to have a social life.  Simply put, life is good (so far).